why did it happen?
Why do you feel so miserable, depressed, down - sad?
Because that’s how your parents made you feel.
Because that’s how your parents made you feel.
Why did it happen?
And this is where it can get hard for a lot of people to accept. It happened simply because your parents didn’t love you. They didn’t love you as you needed to be loved. You may feel you love your parents, and they love you, more than anything or anyone in the world, however, if you think about it, for your mother or father to say “STOP THAT!” with anger, and with the intent to stop you being how you want to be, is not a loving act. So in this one experience (if it, or something similar, happened to you) you weren’t fully loved. And it’s all those one experiences that have added up to a huge amount of unlovingness throughout your early childhood that has resulted in our childhood repression. When your so-called loving parent suddenly yells at you to STOP THAT, to stop being how you want to be, you naturally recoil from them feeling rejected. You feel fear, not love, and that causes a great problem for your newly forming mind. How can you deal with this experience when all you want from your parents is for them to love and completely accept you in all you say and do, and yet now they are rejecting you and not loving you… what are you to do? And when you are relying totally on your parents to keep loving you to make you feel safe and secure; when you are wholly dependent on them for your survival, and yet now they are rejecting you and not loving you, you face a fundamental life crisis – what is going to happen to me! And these thoughts and their accompanying feelings are just too overwhelming to bear and cause us great trauma, all of which we can’t do anything about, and so have to deny and repress them to make their pain go away. The compound affect of these ongoing traumas is enormous resulting in all the problems we show and express today as adults. And if you think that being so small your mind isn’t capable of thinking such thoughts and dealing with such huge issues as your survival, wait until you do your healing and then see what you think, and FEEL, about it. Certainly our conscious mind is not capable of such thoughts in the moment when it’s not even fully formed, but we are more than our conscious mind, as you will discover. We are a soul, and it’s within our soul all experience is recorded, so when you work your way back into your early childhood through your feeling-healing, your soul will release for you in an adult form of thinking and feeling all that you felt, and would have thought, back then. And why didn’t our parents fully love us? Because they too were treated unlovingly by their parents. And so back it has gone generation upon generation. It’s become inherent in us, we are all self-denying. Everyone one of us lives denying some aspects of our self, and so when we are parents we will pass that onto our children. We live in a feeling-denying society; our families are feeling-denying. Our whole world is feeling-denying. Our world is simply the manifestation of ourselves. We live in a negative state of mind, which negatively affects our will, because of our feeling-denial. And until we do our healing, forevermore we shall live this way, right through our physical life and on into our spirit life. If you’re not bad to yourself you’re not bad to your children.
What can you do about it?
You can heal it. It’s hard to do. There’s no ten easy steps, nor will anyone, God included, be waving a magic wand. You do it by hard slog, trying to do the opposite to what you do now, whilst wanting to know the truth of why you are as you are. You heal yourself through self-acceptance, by accepting instead of rejecting all the feelings you are denying. Therefore making up for the love deficit you experienced from your parents. By accepting your repressed feelings you are loving all those aspects of yourself you're denying. Your healing is one long act of self-love, achieved through your feeling acceptance. Currently we live untrue to ourselves. So if you don’t like this way of life, you can want to change it and live true. To live true means to live true to all you are – true to all you think and feel. So it means you have to stop denying all the feelings and thoughts that you are. And to do that you will need to do your feeling-healing, or your soul-healing – which is your feeling-healing but also including God. And the healing of your childhood repression isn’t going to happen overnight. It’s a long term proposition. Something you can choose as to how committed to it you want to become. You can tick it along or get into if fully doing nothing else, it’s all up to you. And there is not right or wrong way - only your way. Only what you feel. There are various levels - goals if you like - within your healing you can strive for. One level is to heal yourself to a certain degree so that you become relatively functional in the world as you know it. You fix yourself up so you can go out there and compete along with everyone else and live what might then be called a successful life. This all being done still within the negative. Another level is to completely heal all your childhood repression. And it will completely change all that you are. It will take you down very deep into yourself, turn you inside out and upside down, with the end result being that you no longer live with any part of you untrue. It’s a harrowing journey, supremely challenging, psychologically rigorous, and you will gradually wake up to the colossal amount of you that is untrue. But it will make you feel happier and happier about yourself. And in the end you will succeed in healing all your childhood repression. However, by the end of it, how you view yourself, the world, God – everything, will be completely different. And you won’t be wanting to just get back on your bike and resume the race. What you will be wanting to do I can’t say, that is for you to discover when you get there. But I do know from my own experiences, more than likely, you'll never race again, finding a whole new way of life. And one that is far more suited to your character. If you want to live true, as you heal yourself, you will be systematically confronted with all that is untrue within you; all you have suppressed, and all your negative beliefs and behavioural patterns. And seeing them and breaking through them is not nice. Looking at yourself full on in the mirror of truth seeing all the untruth that you are is… well, I’ll leave that up to you to find out. Level by level, circuit by circuit, you will be stripped back; back into feeling exactly what you felt when you were little, and into feeling the truth of your relationship with your parents and carers. And for many people, what I imagine they will uncover, will be hard to stomach, however, if you want to totally heal yourself, there is no other way to do so. The truth is the key. |
We are sick and feel bad; we are addicted to things, and feel depressed and miserable; we live untrue to ourselves; we are false; we don’t feel fulfilled or happy, all because we are stopping ourselves feel all our feelings.
When we were young, our parents and carers stopped us from being, and therefore behaving, how we naturally wanted to be. “Stop that! Don’t do that! Leave that alone – don’t touch that! You’re a bad boy; you’re a naughty girl.” All of this parenting interfered with our natural self-expression. And we were told to “Stop crying! Don’t behave like that. Don’t say that”, all of which has forced us to stop being how we felt, and forced us to change ourselves. We’ve learnt, as we were made and forced to, not to express certain feelings. You get a headache and you have to quickly take a pill to get rid of it. You can’t just allow it to be and express all the pain it makes you feel. You get angry, and tell yourself only bad people get angry, telling yourself you are to be nice and caring so you push your anger aside, put on your smiling face and pretend you feel different from how you do feel. And having done this from early childhood you have forgotten what your true underlying feelings are saying; you live in a contrived, pretentious, superficial world of bad feeling suppression and self-denial. Living without being able to fully express all you feel is like living with one leg tired up, hopping around pretending that you can function normally, but the wear and tear on you from your lopsidedness eventually takes its toll; you can only keep on denying your early childhood feelings for so long. Many adults believe that once the child has stopped its tantrum and stopped feeling bad, the episode is over no longer having an impact on the child, but this is incorrect and very misleading. The feelings the child is trying to express in the tantrum show how bad it feels; how bad its environment makes it feels; how bad its parent or carer is making it feel, all because it doesn’t feel free to be how it wants to be – to freely express its own personality bringing itself into being. And so when the tantrum is over, nothing has changed, the environment is the same, the situation is the same, only the child has learnt that its tantrum hasn’t got it anywhere. It has had to suppress many of its bad feelings. It has learnt to 'simply get over it, and get on with it', which it does, wondering when it’s an adult why it can’t cope with bad feelings. Why it has to stop itself from feeling bad, fearing that if it doesn’t, it will just lose it, breaking out into a massive tantrum. We need unconditional love, but we can’t give it or receive it as we all live conditionally.
The child always wants its parents, so it’s very easy for the parent to exploit that need, trying to overcome its own power inadequacies.
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The child has the right to perfect parents.
Parents who are living true to their soul.
Parents who are living true to their soul.
And once again:
What is childhood repression? It is all the bad feelings that you have first suppressed (then kept repressed), through your early forming years. The suppression of these bad feelings has led you to repress certain aspects of your personality. As you weren’t allowed to fully express all you felt back then, so too do you still feel and believe you can’t express your bad (and good) feelings now. As adults we live feeling-repressed lives. We deny our bad feelings in a myriad of ways, all of which causes us many problems. We are sick and feel bad; we are addicted to things, and feel depressed and miserable; we are full of compulsions; we live untrue to ourselves; we are false; we don’t feel fulfilled or happy, all because we are stopping ourselves feel all our feelings. When we were young, our parents and carers stopped us from being, and therefore behaving, how we naturally wanted to be. “Stop that! Don’t do that! Leave that alone – don’t touch that! You’re a bad boy; you’re a naughty girl.” All of this parenting interfered with our natural self-expression. And we were told to “Stop crying! Don’t behave like that. Don’t say that”, all of which has forced us to stop being how we felt, and forced us to change ourselves. We’ve learnt, as we were made and forced to, not to express certain feelings. You get a headache and you have to quickly take a pill to get rid of it. You can’t just allow it to be and express all the pain it makes you feel. You get angry, and tell yourself only bad people get angry, telling yourself you are to be nice and caring so you push your anger aside, put on your smiling face and pretend you feel different than how you do feel. And having done this from early childhood you have forgotten what your true underlying feelings are saying; you live in a contrived, pretentious, superficial world of bad feeling suppression and self-denial. Living without being able to fully express all your feel is like living with one leg tired up, hopping around pretending that you can function normally, but the wear and tear on you from your lopsidedness eventually takes its toll; you can only keep on denying your early childhood feelings for so long. Many adults believe that once the child has stopped its tantrum and stopped feeling bad, the episode is over no longer having an impact on the child, but this is incorrect and very misleading. The feelings the child is trying to express in the tantrum show how bad it feels; how bad its environment makes it feels; how bad its parent or carer is making it feel, all because it doesn’t feel free to be how it wants to be – to freely express its own personality bringing itself into being. And so when the tantrum is over, nothing has changed, the environment is the same, the situation is the same, only the child has learnt that it's tantrum hasn’t got it anywhere. It has had to suppress many of its bad feelings. It has learnt to 'simply get over it, and get on with it', which it does, wondering when its an adult why it can’t cope with bad feelings. Why it has to stop itself from feeling bad, fearing that if it doesn’t, it will just lose it, breaking out into a massive tantrum. Your childhood repression dictates and determines EVERY aspect of your adult life. If you feel bad, or bad things happen to you, it’s because of the patterns you formed during your early childhood that now are your unconscious, driving your life. If you want to heal yourself, you can only do it by going back to all you keep repressed and releasing it, unlocking and releasing all those hidden repressed bad feelings. There is no other way. Everything else is only band-aiding the problem, dealing with the effects of these long forgotten causes. You are rotten inside, as rotten as your early childhood was for you, and as an adult you will suffer for it. Whatever it is that is drawing you to find out about your childhood repression; whatever it is that is making you feel bad, is doing so because of what happened to you between conception and around six years old, the time your mind was fully formed. The truth of all your pain, all your sickness: why you feel bad in any way; why you have the headache, a toothache; why you feel depressed and miserable, is all contained within your repressed childhood. Unlock the truth of what happened to you and you will heal all your pain. |
The Pain
We are all conceived into pain. As horrible as it might to be consider, but the truth is if one can accept it, that as we’re all conceived into an unloving feeling-denying evil state of mind and will, then we all have to face that we’re in a great deal of pain - the pain of our self denial. Such pain has been referred to as being a soul-pain, a pain of ones spirit, a nebulous pain that in many ways can’t be pinned down. A pain derived from living untrue, from living evilly and so totally against oneself, nature, God and all that’s right and true. And it is hard to define, and yet it is there, ever-present and underlying everything. People who feel loved and happy within themselves and the world are of course less aware of this deep all-pervading pain; people who are unhappy feeling unloved and unable to cope in the world are possibly more aware of it in some ways, yet probably don’t understand it. But what exactly is soul-pain. And as I’m coming to understand and relate to it within myself, I feel as I’ve been sunburnt all over and all through me, sort of affected by some unseen radiation, even scolded by boiling water. But I can’t see the physical signs of it as such, yet I feel like I’ve been punched up and are black and blue all over. I feel a wreck, barely able to do what needs to be done to survive each day, dragging myself along, full of aches and pains. And this all helps me to see that other pain, more real and tangible pain, is merely a stronger manifestation of my soul, or the pain of my spirit not being able to fully and freely express itself. Marion says my pain is the pain of fear, fearing living life in a unloving world - my family, fear that I then project, transfer and extend onto the world. So through my healing I’ve been able to see that I’ve gradually been working my way down through all my more superficial pain, all the manifestations of the pain of my dysfunctional self - of my dysfunctional personality, all so I can get to the bottom of where my real pain lies, the truth of my soul-pain. The Pain. |
Only the truth will set you free - the truth of what you’re really feeling.
It’s all about wanting to live true to yourself, which means: true to your feelings.
It’s all about wanting to live true to yourself, which means: true to your feelings.