accepting, expressing, and seeking the truth of all your feelings.
This is the theory: I have no way of proving it. But it sure sounds good.
(I have drawn from what my spiritual insights through my childhood repression healing have shown me.)
Simply:
You were created perfect – your soul – that core indefinable part of you, and it’s still perfect. Underneath all your yuk, you are still perfect. No matter what sort of monster you may have become; no matter if you became the very devil himself: the face of pure evil; you are still perfect underneath all that your parents have made you become.
It all began at your conception, you 'absorbed' all that your parents are, more than just your genetic physical component parts, all of you drawing from them on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, psychic and spiritual - how their state was individually and together when they conceived you, and all the way through to your becoming an adult. It's all affected you. And if your parents died when you were young, or you were parented by other people, all how they have treated you will also be apart of you. And as there is no such thing as reincarnation, so nothing to do with this life being one to work off yet more karma, when you look back into your early life through the truth of your feelings, you'll see it has all started with the union of your parents.
You entered life into this rebellion-default torn world, being parented into your evil, negative, self-denying, mind controlled state. But all of this is merely mental beliefs and their related behaviours, all that has tainted and negatively influenced your will. And it's all been put over the top of your perfect soul. And if you could see it, you'd see that it has corrupted your perfect soul, causing you to live imperfectly compared to the truth, laws and rules of Creation.
So you were perfect, but your parents have screwed you up by not loving you properly, not loving you as you needed to be loved. They weren’t truly loved by their parents and so weren’t capable of truly loving you. All resulting in preventing you from freely expressing yourself.
And all that is wrong within you on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, psychic and spiritual, they have done to you. As you’ve learnt and become all they wanted you to be, so have you taken it all on and are now keeping yourself firmly in your evil (evil being defined as denying any aspect of personality), self-denying, rejecting, unloving, disrespecting state; all by continuing to deny your bad feelings, maintaining your childhood repression.
Right, so that’s the problem – got it? Does it all make perfect sense? You were created good, right and true. Your parents have made you bad, wrong and untrue. And now you’re carrying it on, doing it all to yourself, and your children if you have them. So if you could only stop being bad, wrong and untrue, you’d resort back to being good, right and true. Sounds simple enough – doesn't it?
And by the way, if you don't believe parents make their children bad, wrong and untrue; and shouldn't be blamed for anything no matter how 'bad' their child turns out to be, then obviously you've missed the whole point about what being a parent is. You are the parent of your child, you PARENT it, so who else can be blamed? And if you still persist in arguing that it was an 'unfortunate quirk of genes, that made him form into the evil monster he became', and nothing to do with his 'kind', 'caring' and 'loving' parents, then you certainly have missed the point. The young child is NEVER to be blamed! ONLY ITS PARENTS. And then having blamed them, the parents can be sympathetically understood, because they were only doing what they too were subjected to by their unloving parents when they were a child - so after all, is anyone to blame?
No matter who you are: the saddest or happiest person in the world; no matter how unfulfilled or fulfilled you feel; no matter how sick or healthy you may be, you are still living bound up in all that’s resulting from your childhood repression.
It could be said that people who feel sick, negative, unfulfilled, being unable to be a success in their lives are closer to becoming aware of their childhood repression than those people feeling happy, positive and loved, yet who maybe covering up more of their feeling-denial. But I don’t think I’m qualified to make such judgements. So for now it’s all just an observation based on my own feelings, still to be borne out by personal testament from people who do their healing.
Now, all your childhood repression, whilst it's said is all somehow kept in your body, I tend to feel it's all kept in your soul, with your soul 'releasing' or manifesting in your body and keeping active those parts relevant to your current life. So ALL sickness is caused by your childhood repression yuk. The sickness being brought about as your soul manifests the damage you’re continually doing to yourself by denying your bad feelings.
So lets imagine a scenario using cancer to illustrate the theory of what can potentially be achieved by doing your childhood repression healing. However, please bear in mind, that as I have never had cancer, I’m taking a liberty of imagining what might happen.
Let’s imagine that at some point you become aware of a pain. Perhaps a dull or a sharp pain; perhaps a pain similar to past pains; perhaps a new pain. And at some point the pain ‘takes’ or drives you to the doctor. Tests are done. Cancer is diagnosed. The doctor tells you of your options.
And let’s imagine you follow the doctor’s advice and it’s all seemingly a success. It’s a ‘complete healing’. The cancer is gone. You’re safe. But is it really a success or only a reprieve? Have you completely healed the underlying causes of why you got the cancer? Or have you just managed to remove the effects of what your childhood repression has manifest? Potentially those same causes could still manifest more cancer or other bad things at any time in the future.
So how do you heal the primary causes? And this is the theory of the miracle healing. How you put it into practice. This is something of what it might involve.
As soon as you detect a pain, any pain, as it makes you feel bad, express the bad feelings. You speak about your pain: how it feels, describe it, where is it, honour it, accept it, and DON’T dismiss it or pretend it’s not there, just hoping it will go away. You don’t have to do anything immediately about it. You don’t have to instantly run off to the doctor, but you do have to start speaking about it; about all it’s making you feel. So speak to your partner, to a friend, to someone who wants to listen. And keep speaking about your pain whenever it makes you feel bad. You speak about your bad feelings such as fear, guilt, panic, anger; whatever the pain is making you feel. And you speak about how having these bad feelings makes you feel – how feeling scared makes you feel: angry, powerless, afraid, weak, or whatever it makes you feel.
And as you speak what you feel about these feelings, and how they are making you feel, you decide within yourself that you are going to find out the truth of why you are feeling bad. What is it that your bad feelings – the pain – are trying to help you understand about yourself? Why do you have this pain now at this time in your life? What is causing it? YOU DECIDE THAT YOU WANT TO UNCOVER THE TRUTH OF IT.
So you long determinedly to know the truth of your pain. You want to know, more than anything else, why you have it. And you keep talking about it, and about how much you want to find its cause. And you talk and talk about it all, expressing all you feel no matter that you might be driving yourself and your partner mad with your monotonous repetition of how bad you feel.
And you DON’T, NOR YOUR PARTNER, NOR FRIEND, NOR THERAPIST, NOR DOCTOR, NOR ANYONE ELSE, STOP YOU FROM SPEAKING ABOUT IT BY TRYING TO HELP YOU SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM TO GET RID OF THE PAIN. You allow the pain to be, as much as you can, and just keep expressing all you can. Of course you go to the doctor, or do whatever you feel to do if the pain is too great or you’re too worried about it, but YOU DON’T STOP SPEAKING ABOUT HOW IT’S MAKING YOU FEEL.
You speak about your pain with the understanding that everything you say is another bit of whatever you are repressing that’s causing the pain, leaving you. And as you speak over and over about it, bit-by-bit, you’ll be getting closer to the truth of why you feel bad: of why you need to have this pain; the truth it’s trying to make you see. Your speaking openly about it all, is your bringing out into the light all the hidden, buried and repressed part of it, all through your feelings.
And as you long for the truth of your pain, you understand that it’s hidden: that you’re hiding it from yourself; the causes of your pain: what was done to you in your early childhood to feel such pain. So be patient, and don’t allow your mind to make up scenarios trying to find possible reasons from back then as to what might be causing the pain. You will need to strongly resist this temptation; you don’t do anything other than keep speaking about and expressing your bad feelings, whilst you long to know and uncover the truth of them.
You just stay true to the pain. You want all your buried feelings, like a poison, to come up and out of you. And speaking is the ONLY way to do it. Speaking - expressing - your yuk out of you IS healing yourself. It’s you finally allowing yourself to accept these bad feelings: to love them. To love yourself enough to finally stop abusing yourself; to stop being mean to yourself by denying them. It’s finally treating yourself in the opposite way your parents treated you and your bad feelings.
And what you will find is that things will occur to you, and you’ll know they are related to your pain. So naturally you speak about these insights, thoughts and perceptions as well. Yes, you are to do an awful lot of speaking about all you think and feel; all that your parents prevented you from doing. And it’s about time! About time you started to care about yourself by acknowledging all these different suppressed parts of you - all the parts of your personality you are actively denying.
You speak about any insights, thoughts or feelings, big or small. And the more you speak about what comes to you, the more you are finally getting to know yourself. Finally getting to know these unloved, rejected and hated parts of yourself – what you think and feel about them – the parts you’ve always denied.
And gradually you work your way deeper and deeper into yourself. Accepting the truth each step along the way. And you keep going literally until there is nothing further to speak about. And when that happens you will see the whole truth and be free. No longer will you be denying any bad feelings, you’ll instead be living true to them. And as for the pain, it will have served it purpose, so being no longer needed, will go. And as for the cancer, it too will have gone, because there will be no further repression of bad feelings to manifest it. And you will now be self-loving – self-accepting, you won’t need to manifest something within you that is self-denying, unloving, self-destroying; something that is killing you. You will no longer be sick because you’ll no longer be evil: no longer living against yourself, your partner, nature and God. No longer denying this aspect of your personality.
Your childhood repression was gradually done to you by interacting with people in daily life through your forming years; and so it will be by interacting with other people, as you truly express yourself - people who do want to know you and accept you as you are as you speak about all you think and feel - that you'll rectify all the wrong. You weren't allowed to speak and express all you felt back then, now you can! All being done as you long for the TRUTH of all you feel.
And that is the healing miracle. That is briefly the theory anyway.
You can start your healing at any point. You may be at deaths door; you may have only a very slight pain. And of course your pain and bad feelings don’t have to just be physical before you start speaking about them. Any bad feeling you can treat the same way.
Here is some more of the cancer scenario, illustrating at each point along the experience, how you need to speak about how bad you feel. This is how I imagine it might go...
For example. You feel really scared about going to see the doctor today. Speak about your fear to your partner or friend. You speak about how worried and scared you feel; and what you fear, dread and worry might happen to you, even if it sounds ridiculous or way too extreme. Don’t judge what you feel, just open your mouth and let it all come out. Just speak whatever comes to you mind. REMEMBER: THE ACTUAL ACT OF SPEAKING AND EXPRESSING ALL YOUR BAD FEELINGS, IS, YOU HEALING YOURSELF. And you will be able to do far more for yourself, by speaking and expressing all you feel, than any doctor will ever do for you.
When you get in the car going to the appointment and you feel bad, speak about it all.
When you’re sitting in the waiting room feeling bad, speak about it all.
As you are seeing the doctor and you feel bad, speak about it all. And if you can't, speak about later to your partner or friend.
After, back in the car if you still feel bad, speak about it all.
At home, later in the day, at dinnertime, before bed, during the night, at any time you suddenly feel bad again; speak about all your bad feelings.
It might take a lot of effort, day after day, week after week, month after month, to keep speaking about your pain or bad feelings every time they make you feel bad, but that is what you have to do, that is what will break your denial patterns. Each time you speak up and say what you are feeling instead of just ignoring, dismissing or pretending you don’t feel bad, ALL WHILST ALWAYS LONGING FOR THE TRUTH OF WHAT YOU'RE FEELING, you are asserting your will positively instead of negatively. You are actively changing your patterns, the very negative patterns that formed during your early childhood that are serving to keep your self-denial and powerlessness, and powerlessness to express your bad feelings, in place.
So when you wake up in the morning and there is that blasted pain again, speak about it, express all it’s making you feel and all you feel about it. Yell, scream, get angry, complain, cry, do whatever you feel to do, just go with the bad feelings; and go also with the feelings that come up about how you feel about feeling so bad all the time. It’s all meant to drive you to breaking point, to where you can’t go on, to where you can’t go any further. It’s all meant to be too dementing, forcing you to feel all jammed up; even making you feel like you’re going to blow up; or to where you’re so blocked up and confused that you want to just break out ripping everything apart. And if you feel these feelings you do exactly what you’ve been doing – express them. Speak them out; emote all your emotions. Really keep trying to connect with the feelings, so as to allow them to speak; so it’s your feelings speaking all you feel, speaking all about your pain, and not your mind. Your feelings are you, the real and true you, not your mind and it’s beliefs and behaviours. So the more you can get right into your feelings, allowing yourself to fully be them, and express them, the more you are getting back into touch with the little person you were, being denied your expression of them when you were young.
As you can see, it’s about choosing to make the expressing of all your feelings, good and bad, and uncovering the truth of them, the priority in your life, all so you can become the real you. And this is what you have to do if you seriously want to heal your childhood repression.
But please remember this is only the theory, I can’t guarantee anything, I have only Marion’s and my experiences to draw from. Healing oneself through seeking the truth of ones bad feelings is, so far as I am aware, not something that’s readily understood we can do. And it waits to be seen if indeed it can be done how I am portraying it. It might be in the case of someone having cancer, that they express their bad feelings uncovering certain truth and yet still die from the cancer or something associated with it, then to keep going in their new spirit life seeking the truth of their cancer, even though of course when they awaken in the spirit worlds they will be without their physical body and no longer have the cancer. But they will still have all the underlying early childhood causes within them, still to find the truth of. There is an awful lot to it all, and really it’s more about uncovering the truth of yourself using your bad feelings to do so, with the healing of your pain and childhood repression being only something of a byproduct of that. It’s really about wanting to become, and so live, the real and true you, which when you do, will be pain and bad feeling free.
Your life will have to change to accommodate being able to express all your bad feelings. Changes, which might at times be hard to make. However, if you want to live true, to heal yourself, then when these hard decision times come around you’ll feel what needs to be done, and usually it will be opposite to what you believe you should do.
One difficulty you might recognise with all I have said is the need to have a friend or partner so often and so readily available to listen to all you will need to say. Such a person might not be readily available in your life (more bad feelings to express). And as to how you will find such a person I have no idea, but I do know that if you want to desperately enough, it will happen. But your desire has to be sincere, and all driven because you want to uncover the truth of yourself. If you are sincerely longing for the truth, and are prepared to do whatever it takes to work on expressing your bad feelings to uncover it, then all help will be made available to you. Your soul’s priority is for you to heal yourself, to heal it, so it will make all that is needed to happen for you to achieve this goal, if and when you are ready to work toward it.
The other difficulty you might have is finding the time to express all your bad feelings. And certainly in some situations you won’t be able to speak, so will have to save up expressing yourself until a more convenient time. But with a little practice it doesn’t take too long to be able to do this, easily reconnecting and putting yourself back in your bad feelings when appropriate. But as to finding the time, that comes once again down to your personal commitment to uncover the truth hidden within your repressed feelings. If that becomes your priority in life then you will make the time available that's necessary for you to concentrate on your bad-feeling expression.
Marion’s and my life has changed very significantly as to what we consider being important. No longer do we go out to the movies, go out for meals, watch TV, videos, listen to music; no longer do we do such bad-feeling avoidance things, all done to make ourselves feel good. And instead we might sit in the supermarket car park for the afternoon expressing all the bad feelings that came up as we were shopping. There being so much to talk about. Perhaps not what you might call great entertainment, but definitely good for the soul. And what we have found is that we haven’t missed anything we’ve given up. In fact we’ve only felt better and better about giving it up the truer we’ve become.
So as you can see, to embark upon healing yourself of your negative mind can become a full time affair, and gradually you come to realise and ask yourself… well, what do I want from life anyway? To continue living fully repressed and filled with bad feelings seeking expression through illness and bad things happening to me, all so as to try and draw my attention to my self-denial; or, do I want to concentrate on helping myself, loving myself into becoming fully and freely able to express all that I feel, and growing in truth through my feelings in each experience I have.
The choice is always yours.
It will be a dream come true when you've healed all your childhood repression.
And it will feel like a miracle!
Receiving Professional help for your childhood repression healing |
We’re taught that a feeling that shows we’re being treated badly - unlovingly - is evil. We’re not to show it or have it - which are all our bad feelings.
Jealousy - “The Green-Eyed Monster”. Beware! Never allow it to rear its ugly head. Cut its head off fast, it’s really bad, you’re not allowed to feel it no matter what. Anything that’s getting more love than you you’re jealous of, naturally, however you’re not to feel it, it is evil, it has to be banished. However it, along with all our bad feelings needs to be fully honoured and appreciated for what it is. It is right to feel such things when you feel unloved. Not wrong.
We need the other person to verify our existence.
We just need to have our own feelings and not be interfered with.
It’s so important not to show your bad feelings. If they beat you don’t cry, you can’t show you’re feeling bad because then they’ve won. However the fact is they have already won, they are beating you. We’re not allowed to be how we feel.
We destroy ourselves to live in the world of evil.
It’s all very simple: if you love something or someone you treat it or them well. If you hate them, you treat them badly. Can we as parents (and people) love and hate at the same time. She we love our child in one moment and hate it in another. And if we can, what does that say about our love. Is that what love is, or is it not really love being some sort of false love, a love we believe or think we feel. Because surely if we truly, perfectly and fully loved another we’d never feel we hate them. How could we when we love them.
It’s forcing children to do what they don’t want to do, anything that’s going against them in any way, that is being cruel and so damaging.
All those horrible people that do so many horrible things, you hate them and feel sorry for them. What trauma and torturous childhood have they suffered to become the monster they are. And it’s the same with your parents. You hate them and feel sorry for them. You hate what they’ve done to you, how they’ve not loved you, how they’ve mistreated you, and yet you feel sorry for them because they were not loved being mistreated by their parents. It’s all so fucked.
Our healing is the ultimate self-analysis.
We have to accept their - our parents - reality as being right - the truth; the true way to live. And it gets locked in. So to go back and bring it all out seeing it’s not true, that it’s all lies and they are doing it only for their own power all making you feel bad, is so you can give it up. Then you change and live the ‘true’ truth, not the falseness.
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