healing your CR
Why do you feel what you do?
Because that’s what your parents made you feel.
There is no escape until you’ve healed your unloved state.
Your feeling of feeling unloved never goes away?
No, well it’s no wonder when you weren’t loved as a child as you needed to be loved.
And what can you do about it?
Uncover the whole truth of why you always feel unloved.
And how do you do that - by doing your Feeling-Healing.
Because that’s what your parents made you feel.
There is no escape until you’ve healed your unloved state.
Your feeling of feeling unloved never goes away?
No, well it’s no wonder when you weren’t loved as a child as you needed to be loved.
And what can you do about it?
Uncover the whole truth of why you always feel unloved.
And how do you do that - by doing your Feeling-Healing.
You’ll turn the corner when you start doing your feeling-healing.
Feeling-Healing How to heal your childhood repression: a brief introduction. As our childhood repression is maintained through our feeling-denial, to heal it, we need to embrace those feelings we are refusing to admit we feel. We mostly focus on our bad feelings, as they are what we are denying making us feel bad. To begin with you will need to want to know the truth of why you feel bad and why you are denying your bad feelings, and you carry this desire as a deep heartfelt longing. We long for the truth of our self. We long to live true - true to our feelings. We long to know the truth of why we are feeling bad. And we want the truth more than anything else – WE REALLY DO WANT TO KNOW. So we long as often as we remember to, especially during our healing – when we are feeling bad feelings and speaking about them. Next we honour our bad feelings. We grab them; we acknowledge we are feeling bad; we admit we are feeling bad; we accept we are feeling bad. All very important to do instead of denying them. Don’t push your anger away, instead acknowledge you are feeling it. Accept that you are feeling it – JUST FEEL IT. You don’t have to do anything about it. And you don’t have to try to work out with your mind why you are angry. JUST FEEL ANGRY, IF YOU FEEL ANGRY. NOTHING ELSE! Then we speak about our bad feeling. We express it. We let it have it’s say. We speak whatever it is we feel about it. And we speak about it – express it, to someone who wants to hear about how we're feeling. If you have a friend or your partner or a “helping witness”, someone who sincerely wants to know how you are feeling, then tell them, address them, speak to them wanting their sympathy. You want them to listen to you. You want them to know and understand you. Your parents didn’t want to listen or know you. Tell your friend all about your bad feeling, and tell them EVERY time you feel bad. Describe your bad feeling. Even your physical pain… ‘my head hurts over my left eye, a sharp stabbing pain… my head hurts, my head hurts… it feels like a knife is stabbing through it here and here…’ Tell your friend. By telling your friend you are seeking their sympathy, as you once sort the sympathy of your parents. And as your friend accepts you, so too are you now, finally, able to accept yourself, ending your self-rejection. Finally you can acknowledge to yourself that you DO feel this way, and that it's PERFECTLY okay to feel so. It's perfectly okay to be how you feel to be. At long last you can be yourself - your true self, just as you truly feel! Express it – moan, groan, let your bad feeling speak… ‘Miserable, I feel miserable…’ Say what you feel. Be what you feel. Get into the feeling and be it. Don’t stand back impersonally speaking about it as if it’s your left leg, be your bad feeling and speak with the intensity and ‘feeling’ of your bad feeling. Emote all your feeling - all the emotions of your feelings. Speak out your feelings with the emotion of them, it’s not just a mental exercise. It’s a feeling exercise, so put your feeling into it. And speak about how feeling this bad feeling makes you feel. ‘Feeling so miserable makes me feel unwanted, alone, powerless…’ And how does feeling these bad feelings make you feel? ‘When I feel powerless I feel so weak… so useless, pathetic, it makes me want to...’ And express these feelings and emotions: feel pathetic, feel useless; express your patheticness when you tell your friend, and keep going speaking about how bad you feel for as long as you can. Ask yourself and express - speak about if relevant: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? WHY DO I HAVE SUFFER THIS... WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS ... MAKING ME FEEL BAD WHY EVERY TIME I WANT TO DO SOMETHING... WHY EVERY TIME I EXPECT IT TO WORK IT DOESN'T? WHY DO I HAVE TO GET SICK? AND WHY THIS SICKNESS? Ask why, why, why, all the time, why am I feel this feeling. Why am I feel bad. Ask yourself because you want to know the truth. And when you can, remember to long hard for the truth – really want to know why you are feeling this way. Tell your listening friend about how MUCH you do want to know the truth of why you're feeling bad. Then keep speaking and expressing how you feel. You keep going until you can’t say anymore… and then you go further… always further, if you can. And the further you go the deeper your bad feelings will take you back in yourself, back into your early childhood, where it all starts from. Long to know the truth of what happened to you during your early childhood to cause you to now feel bad. Keep expressing and speaking about your bad feelings. It might take minuets, it might take hours, it might take days, or weeks. And the same bad feelings will come up countless times over and over, and each time you have to accept them, express them, and long for the truth of them. Speak and express them; long for the truth of them, and you will find, you will show it to yourself. Amazingly the truth will come. Suddenly you will see a new aspect of your problem. You may suddenly understand another part of your feeling and self-denial, and another part of your negative unloving relationship with your parents. Slowly all the pieces of the puzzle will come together. Don’t go hunting or digging using your mind, looking back into your early childhood for answers. Allow, and wait, for the truth to come of its own accord. The truth will come as a result of persistent bad feeling expressing, and a strong genuine longing for the it. It comes when you are ready to see it, and in its own time - you cannot control it. The truth is the end product of your feeling self-expression. And once the truth has come you will more than likely stop feeling bad anymore. Or you’ll move onto some other part of your repression needing your attention, with yet more bad feelings to accept and express. And realistically, and I know this sounds obvious, you can only do what you can do. If no truth comes don't worry, it might come later through the day, it might come the next day or the next... just keep expressing your bad feelings and longing to uncover and see it. The most important part is to just keep accepting your bad feelings and speaking up about them: getting them out – expressing and emoting them. They are the puss, the poison, repressed, trapped within you, and you must want them to come out. Once they are out then you can see the damage they have done. And why what was done to you to create them, occurred. And if you don’t have a friend or partner willing to listen unconditionally to your bad feeling expression, then speak to yourself out loud if you can. Speak to your cat or dog, the wall, write them, share them on a forum, and long for someone to come and help you; long for a friend to come, someone who will really want to know you. And if you are the listener, the friend, don’t step in and take over from the person trying to express their bad feelings. DON’T TRY AND FIND A SOLUTION. This will only make the person continue to deny their bad feelings, and that’s what you don’t want. Shut up and listen, or listen actively asking questions that help your friend keep focused on, and speaking about, their bad feelings. Some people will find this easy to do being naturally interested in the person and wanting them to speak more about how they feel and think about everything; other people who have been made to reject people and not want to hear their bad feelings, will want to stop them from speaking - want to stop them feeling bad so they no longer have bad feelings to speak about. And keep going. There is nothing you can do about all you find and see about yourself as you do your childhood repression healing, other than accept it and keep speaking about how it makes you feel. Only the speaking and expressing and seeing the truth is what you can do, you can’t actually heal yourself. This happens automatically and as a consequence of your seeing the truth. No truth – no healing. When you see the truth, then you've stopped denying that part of yourself, it has been healed. You might not feel this straight away, but as time passes you’ll become aware that you have changed, that things that used to make you feel bad don’t anymore. And as you feel better about yourself, you’ll be able to open up and access even deeper hidden parts, causing you to feel worse about lots more things. Deeper and deeper you’ll go over years. You will be guided by your soul And you will see, there will be a purpose and a strategy that will gradually make itself known to you, but only if you stay committed to wanting the truth and wanting to live true. I can’t stress how important it is to desire with all your heart and from the depths of your soul, to long for the truth of your childhood repression. Your desire to find the truth of yourself if what fuels and drives your healing, without it you’ll be wasting your time. With no desire to find the truth, you can speak and express all your feelings all you want, but without healing any of your childhood repression. It's my belief you can completely heal everything that's wrong within you by expressing ALL your feelings and longing to know the truth of them – why you are feeling them. It is my belief (I don't know for sure, as I am not there yet) that you can heal all of your childhood repression through your feeling-healing. |
You are living as an adult as a consequence of your repressed childhood.
Your repressed childhood is still controlling and dictating your life. And there is no escape until you have healed it. I treat myself exactly how I was treated.
I treat other people exactly how I was treated. I treat nature exactly how I was treated. I treat my children exactly how I was treated. I even treat God exactly how I was treated. Working out the ‘exactly’ is the hard part. You’ve got to find the reasons why you’re so silly. It’s false being silly, and it won’t lead you to the truth of yourself.
Everything is an extension and reflection of you. The outside world is your mirror showing you what you’re doing - how you are feeling. How you treat the world - other people and nature, is how you are treating yourself.
It begins, by not doing all those things you really don’t want to do, and forcing yourself to do them. But instead, finding out why you do them, why you are need to do them, why you are meant to do them, why you are supposed to do them - and why you are forcing yourself.
What is going to happen to you if you don’t do them? What are you so terrified of? What will be your punishment? And so you stop doing them, or if you can’t stop, you own up to the fact that you don’t want to do them, and you speak about all doing them and not being able to stop doing them makes you feel. And if you can stop, you speak about all the feelings to do with stopping doing them that you feel. And as always: you keep longing to see the truth of all you’re feeling. Oh the joys of feeling powerless... a failure... hopeless... a useless waste of space... ugly... a blight... a nothing, nobody.... a non-event... pathetic... stupid... fucked...
Oh all those delicious bad feelings... Don't be so stupid, why are you acting that way? What are you feeling - what's going in within you. What is the truth of your stupidity.
I am all my feelings - good and bad.
I am NOT my mind and its beliefs. I love my feelings. The physical can belie the truth. The inside isn’t always shown on the outside.
You do outwardly to your children what you do inwardly to yourself. Your child is like a new version of you, and it’s wrong to treat it as if it should already know as you do. You punish it as if it’s a wayward part of yourself, it’s misbehaving; and as it’s you or an extension of you, then you fear you will get into trouble because you’re misbehaving. So you have to quickly bring it into line.
You can’t say you hate your mother because you have to believe you were loved. You can’t say a bad thing against your mother because your mother is a fantasy. You can then keep your mother on her pedestal and shit all over other women who’ll never be as good as your mother.
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You are traumatised - your childhood repression healing will show you why.
Soul-Healing
To do your soul-healing you do all that I have said above for feeling-healing. It drives your soul-healing as well. And then there is more. As your soul-healing includes God, we move onto spiritual truths and beliefs, some of which you might not agree with. However, you can begin your feeling-healing whilst you think about the spiritual aspect of it. We long for the truth: of ourselves, of our life and of God. We want to be as perfect as God is Perfect. We want to live how God has created us to - we want to live true. We want to live true to our soul. And we achieve this by living true to our feelings. And we understand that by living true to our feelings - true to our own will, we’re also naturally living true to God, so we’re living God’s Will. And we also long for God’s Divine Love. We long to God for Their Divine Love, as often as we want feel we want to. For further explanation about God as BOTH our Heavenly Father AND Mother; Their Divine Love; Mary Magdalene and Jesus, and how this all applies to our life, and doing our soul-healing, refer to Divine Love Spirituality. When doing your soul-healing, as you express all you feel, you can include speaking to God. Speak to your Mother and Father about all you feel. And if at times you feel angry or bad feelings about God, don’t hold back, Tell all you feel about Them, even if it's how much you hate Them. Remember every bad feeling, no matter who or what it's about, has to come out. And a lot of people are seriously pissed off about how God has/is treated/treating them, all of which you MUST express. And if you come up against fears of God, fearing God will punish you in some way, then such fears as they made you feel bad, are simply more bad feelings to express and long for the truth of. And keep on expressing all you feel and longing for the truth. Your soul-healing encompasses your feeling-healing – which centres around healing your childhood repression – and healing your relationship with yourself and God. It takes you out of living just for yourself to satisfy your own desires, to satisfying them in accordance with how God has planned things for you. By submitting to your feelings and living true to them, resulting from doing your feeling-healing, so too will you end up living true to God. To live God's will is ONLY achieved by the complete surrender and willing submission to your true feelings. You can't live God's will through your mind, it has to be through and with your feelings. Something that is impossible to do whilst you're living untrue and denying your bad feelings. And these feelings have to be true feelings, that ONLY being achieved when you've completed your soul-healing. And when you have achieved this, then you will know what it really feels like to be a child of Heavenly Parents, which of course you already are having been created by Them, but which you may yet be waking up to. Summary: ALWAYS BE TRUE TO WHAT YOU FEEL. ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO RUN YOUR LIFE. SUBMIT, SURRENDER, TO YOUR BAD (AND GOOD) FEELINGS. WANT TO BE TRUE. ACKNOWLEDGE, ADMIT, ACCEPT AND EXPRESS YOUR BAD FEELINGS. LONG FOR THE TRUTH. AND KEEP GOING. AND REMEMBER: BAD FEELINGS ARE NOT EVIL, THEY ARE NOT BAD, THEY ARE NOT TO BE REJECTED – THEY ARE APART OF YOU. THEY ARE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING. THEY ARE YOU, SO THEY ARE TO BE LOVED AND FULLY ACCEPTED, WHICH YOU DO BY EXPRESSING THEM. YOUR BAD FEELINGS ARE YOU - AND THEY AND YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT. VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU! AND YOU AND ALL YOUR FEELINGS ARE ALSO VERY IMPORTANT TO GOD - GOD DESIRES YOU TO FULLY EXPRESS YOURSELF, SO YOUR WHOLE PERSONALITY, SO EVERY FEELING YOU HAVE MUST COME OUT INTO CREATION, AS CREATION WOULDN’T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU - WITHOUT ALL YOU FEEL. As you accept your bad feelings and allow them to come into your life – as you express them, you are loving yourself. It’s this act of self-love, the stopping of your bad feeling denial, that will enable you to find the strength, courage and faith to move deep into the darkness of your childhood repression: to face, accept and express all the pain, and to find all the truth. If you really want to love yourself, then stop denying your bad feelings. As long as you are denying any part of yourself, any feeling, no matter how insignificant you might think it is, you are rejecting yourself, being unloving to yourself and doing to yourself exactly what was done to you when you were little resulting in your childhood repression. Your denial of feelings only maintains your childhood repression. And if you don’t think you’re denying any bad feelings, or you don’t even feel bad, then start to take more notice of yourself, and ask your friend to point out to you where they can see you are doing or saying things that are bad-feeling-avoidance, non self-acceptance, and therefore, self-denying and so unloving. |
If you could receive a miracle healing, would you...
Accept it so you could happily live on in your negative state. Accept it but with the understanding that it was only helping you to advance yourself so as to begin or get on with your feeling-healing. Not accept it because you wanted to heal your negative self all through your own endeavours of honouring, accepting and expressing your bad feelings to uncover the truth of them. Or, accept it, simply for the experience of it - come what may. When your feelings are hurt, the hurt never goes away. Unlike a physical hurt that does go away, that can heal, unless you express all the pain, the emotional hurt will never go. And as you didn’t express all the hurt when you were young, so it’s still within you - hurting, causing you pain.
When we feel scared, we feel we’re going to be hurt, punished - a bad thing is going to happen to us. Unconsciously we’re reminded of our parents hurting us. It’s a big day when you wake up realising that you’re scared of your parents.
There’s always somebody worse off than you, so they were always telling us when we were kids. So you have no right to feel bad. Yet why can’t we all feel bad. Just because there might be someone worse off than you doesn’t mean you’re not feeling bad, and feeling bad is feeling bad. And that worse off person might not even feel as bad as you do.
There is no such thing as a ‘natural worrier’, your beginning makes you worry. Had you had a stable beginning, feeling secure with no need to worry, then you’d grow up like that and as an adult still be like that, someone not prone to worry.
We see it all through the eyes we’ve been brought up in, so we see it believing it’s all right, and yet we’ve got it all wrong.
We tell ourselves off - why, because we were told off. |
about our healing
We’ve all got a shit-load of stuff wrong within us. We’ve got countless numbers of bad feelings from our early childhood we’ve kept buried inside us. Look at any little child and you can see how it’s denied its complete freedom of expression many times each day. And all that hurt... we’ve buried it all. And one day it’s all got to come up and out. If you can’t fathom the fact that we’re conceived into an unloving anti and so negative and evil way of life, then think about this... Love is love, right? Love is true - also right. So if we were living truly with love, if we felt completely loved, then we’d be able to live in a society without the need for manmade laws, because we’d be naturally true - of love, just as nature is. Nature doesn’t come up with laws it imposes on itself, the laws it naturally lives by are naturally inherent. And it’s the same for us, only we can’t see it. We are naturally true, we a naturally perfect, we are naturally of love, you can feel it, or sense it - we all know it. Yet we don’t live this way, we don’t allow ourselves to. And because we live untrue, false, and unloving lives, we then have to impose unnatural laws on ourselves. We have to keep ourselves in check. And why we do is because that’s how we were parented. Parents lay down the laws. As children we have to abide by them. If we do we are praised, accepted and ‘loved’, and we feel good. If we don’t we are scolded, hit, chastised, criticised - punished, and we feel bad. No child is parented absolutely free, all so it can express its true, pure and perfect personality freely. We’re all interfered with in one way or another, and some of us, severely so. Because our parents dominate and rule us, we’re not conceived into true loving perfection, we’re conceived into unloving imperfection, falseness, so evil and a negative state. And our adult life reflects this to us, reflecting back to us how it was for us during our early childhood. The world is unfair, life doesn’t work to support everyone, because not everyone was treated the same way when young. And it never will. Equality of life can never be, in our self-denying way. And so within this negative anti love life we need to look to something that is good, something that makes us feel better than the bad stuff. And so we call this love. But it’s not true and pure love, it’s a made up false love, and we all carry on deluding ourselves that we feel good and in love, when really underneath it, we can’t feel this way, because we weren’t allowed to feel really good and completely loved when we were young. Our healing is the rectification of all this. It’s the ending our denial of all our early bad feelings. It’s stopping our unloving anti truth way of life. And we do this by seeking the truth of our feelings, expressing them as they surface within us. Because we’ve been led astray, forced to become estranged from ourselves, we’ve grown up developing the behavioural and belief patterns to support our negative way of being. And a part of this is to also believe how we are is right, the right way to be and live. But it’s not right, and that’s the tragedy of it all. To heal ourselves of all our childhood repression requires the systematic breaking down of all the beliefs and associated behaviour that are keeping the whole rotten lot in place. And it’s dam hard work. And it hurts a hell of a lot, as it liberates all that pain and hurt and misery that you felt during your early years but have kept far away. Our healing begins as we decide to stop living as we are, to begin to face the truth of our anti life negative state by accepting all those bad feelings we’ve previously rejected. To accept them, speak about them, about how you feel, and how you feel about feeling such bad feelings. And longing for and finding the truth of why you are feeling them, the truth of what happened to you when you were young to make you feel this way. So our feeling-healing is one long drawn out process of self-growth. It’s an incredible experience, an amazing journey. And as horrible as it is working your way through each tedious little part of you that’s wrong, feeling why it’s wrong, seeing why it’s wrong, and then feeling yet more what you feel about it being wrong, it is fantastic feeling yourself coming back. The long-lost true you, that which you’ve denied for so long, slowly making progress coming back. And slowly the real and good feelings that accompany truth return. It’s all a marvellous process, the rectification of self. Yet it’s agonising and hellish. I’ve hated every day of my healing, I’ve hated feeling so bad. Every day feeling so, so bad. And it’s gone on for years and years. But now during my good spells I’m feeling so much better about myself and it all. And all I can see is as bad as it is, it’s bloody incredible, something definitely to be experienced, as we all will. |
If you got a drop of love from your parents, or believed you did, then you’re forever wanting more drops, never feeling satisfied. And really you’ve got to one day face the fact that no more is coming, you got all you’re ever going to get, and you have to feel what knowing that and fully accepting it feels like.
The illness or disease within you is your parents. Trying to kill or remove it and not accept it is what you’ve always done.
Selfish mothers and fathers: It’s now their turn and they’re going to have it all their way and that’s that!
We’re taught at cruelty school - in our families - how to be cruel, to ourselves, others and nature; and often how to be cruel with a smile on our face. We are taught we must be strong, not let our bad feelings show, block them out, deny ourselves, be cruel to ourself, and also be cruel to our children by not allowing them to show and express their bad feelings.
It’s done to you as a child, so life keeps doing it to you in the same way, that’s why things keep repeating themselves, as we don’t change through expressing our feelings truly.
Being naturally of love you don’t have to do anything - you are just loving. Our ‘love’ comes to us only if we measure up, if we play the game, if we follow the rules. If we don’t, that so-called love soon goes out the window. Can conditional love be true and pure love? Can it be love at all?
The young child blames itself believing the adults are right. If it doesn’t feel loved then it believes there’s something wrong with it so it can’t be loved.
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Your life is difficult because your parents made it difficult.
It’s hell living untrue to yourself.
Have no fear of hell, you’re already living in it within yourself.
It’s hell living untrue to yourself.
Have no fear of hell, you’re already living in it within yourself.