loving parenting?
Loving parenting?
That's what it's all about.
That's what it's all about.
Three different reactions to the same news: ‘Yes, you’re pregnant.’
‘I’m pregnant! Yes! It’s wonderful. I’m so happy. I’m going to be a mother. I have my little baby growing inside me. I can’t wait until it’s born. I feel so good, so alive, new life within me, I can’t feel it, oh how exciting - it happened! ‘I’m pregnant. That’s good. We’ll take one day at a time. There still could be problems. We’ll see what happens. It will be good, yes I am looking forward to the birth. It’s what we wanted. Yes, we’re very happy.’ ‘Pregnant - no! I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to go through it again. No, I don’t want to have it. I don’t want to have the child. I don’t want to be a mother. I want to have my own life, I don’t want to have to give it up for someone else. I don’t want all the fuss and bother.’ I know which welcome I got into life, my healing has revealed it to me, it’s how I feel about life. And I know which welcome I wanted to have, and how I would like to have felt in life. Don’t cry, it’s not that bad. You’ll be all right, you’ll see. They didn’t mean it. Brighten up, it’s not the end of the world. If you’d listened to me it wouldn’t have happened. She’s only crying to gain attention. ‘Empathy blockers’? Call then what you will. They are blocking the child out. And for your child to feel unwanted and rejected by you in the slightest way is causing it serious damage. Put yourself in your child’s place: do you feel good when people shut you up saying such unloving things? And you say such hurtful things to your child just because they are not being how you believe they should be. You are causing them to deny their own feelings. You are denying them. It’s not loving. You hate them expressing themselves as they are. You want to shut them up. All because it’s how you were treated. Your parents wanted to shut you up. They didn’t love you. They hated you. They wanted to cancel you out - far more than block you out. And so you will feel deep within yourself the same pain you are making your child feel, that of not feeling loved or wanted by your parents. It will in there, deeply hidden away. And when you want to see the truth of it, it will all be there for you to see - patiently waiting to come out.
Natural parenting.
We can’t parent naturally because we’re living in feeling-denial states, however if we weren’t, then we’d parent by living true to our feelings, and our child’s natural needs would naturally be taken care of by us. And we wouldn’t interfere with it, imposing unnatural needs on it. And it would be all so simple. If we were parented naturally we’d feel fully loved and fulfilled. Yet for us to feel this way our parents would have had to have been free from all self- and feeling-denial. They would have felt naturally powerful, feeling fully loved and free themselves, and not how they feel - powerless and all bound up in their self-denying states. We’ve got a long way to go before we’ll be seeing truly free children running around feeling completely happy and loved. Were we allowed to grow up naturally free and fully feeling-expressive, then we’d have our natural power with which to express such feeling in life. However we’re made to feel powerless, and then taught that we have to do certain things to regain such power, only doing such things in the end doesn’t make us feel good - because they are false things to do. We grow up packed full of unexpressed bad feelings: anger, resentment, hatred at how we have been treated. We grow up feeling de-powered by such bad feelings, yet we struggle along all day pretending we don’t feel this way, that things are okay, that we’re in control, that life is how we want it. And along the way we shit all over our children because we can easily have power over them. How many times a day do you make your child feel rejected? There is no worse feeling than feeling rejected, because it includes all those terrible feelings: unloved, unwanted, uncared about. And when you feel such bad feelings as a young child, they pierce you to your core. And then worse still, they become a part of your core, a part of your pattern. And no matter what you end up doing to cover them up and pretend to yourself they are not there, that you don’t feel hurt, they are still there, and you DO FEEL HURT - VERY HURT. AND VERY FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT FEELING SO HURT!
We parent to make our children competitive. By telling them how to be and what to do and when, we’re competing with them, let alone encouraging them to go out into the world and get better grades, to be a good at whatever they do - to even be the best. We live in a competitive world. To have to work for money - our survival is competitive. And yet as children we’re not naturally competitive, not to the detriment of others. Competition takes away love, compassion and sympathy - so how can you express such feelings and emotions to your child, when you're against it, when you believe it's against you, and you’re determined to win at all cost- to make it be how you want it to be. It’s unheard of allowing the child to freely express itself. We have to come down on it hard, stopping it from living true to its feelings.
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Wake up parents!
If your connection with your child is inharmonious, then you’re fucking up your child big time. It will forever be screwed up, that is until it sorts itself out through its feeling-healing. Every time you force your child to do something you’re crushing its will, the very will it needs to be able to fully function and so survive in life.
Absurdly and cruelly we punish our children for scaring us - for making us feel bad.
‘He’s only doing it for attention.’ He sure as hell is, and why? Because you his so-called loving parent is not giving him the true loving attention he needs. What else can he do! He’s learning from you the only way he can get attention. It’s not his fault. He’s a product of your unlovingness.
To make your own child deny its feelings... You may as well be sticking it with a knife. As that's how it will feel.
If you’re fucked, when you come to see the truth, you may feel your parents have done you a favour helping you be closer to what is true and being able to see it more easily.
Do you know that look - when you deal an emotional or spiritual blow to your child and it looks shocked, its eye-lids droop, it looks like it’s about to black-out, it looks half-dead... well you’re killing it, shocking it out of existence.
Oh for god’s sake don’t show any weakness in your marriage - god forbid if you’re not perfect... what will the children think!
And guess what?
You don’t have to answer the phone! You are what you are, you can’t do anything about it other than see the whole truth of it. And once seen, if you no longer want to be as you are, then you can long to change and God will change you. As you accept all your feelings.
We’re alive to express our feelings - that’s what it’s really all about.
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We believe the child has power.
It’s the evil one trying to make us do what it wants.
So we’ve got to come down hard on it, right from the beginning.
Just like training a dog - so it won’t have the upper hand.
It’s the evil one trying to make us do what it wants.
So we’ve got to come down hard on it, right from the beginning.
Just like training a dog - so it won’t have the upper hand.