is because your parents made you feel unwanted, uncared about and unloved.
Childhood repression – what is it?
Simply, it's every unexpressed feeling you had as a young child that is still within you waiting to be expressed. And all the problems that result from this feeling-denial. Most, if not all of us, have been parented in such a way that has prevented us from expressing our feelings - and therefor our true selves - freely. We were forced in various ways to suppress, and then keep repressed, many of our good and bad feelings. All of these unexpressed feelings are causing blocks of different types and on different levels within us. They are kept cemented in place with negative beliefs and behaviour, all formed by having to accept life on someone else's terms. All because our parents imposed themselves on us stopping us freely expressing ourselves. And all we've been made to repress is making us sick and causing ALL our problems, stopping us from living happy and fulfilled lives. Everything that is wrong within you; everything you don't like about yourself; why any bad things happen to you; why you can't make your life as you want it, all stem from the negative patterns developed during your early childhood, all of which unconsciously affect you continuously in every moment. And these wrong and negative patterns are keeping the real and true you hidden from yourself, whilst you live your false and untrue self in life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Generally speaking most people understand that what happens to us during our childhood sets the scene for our adult lives. It’s said, ‘well, he had a bad upbringing’, and that explains it all. And to some extent it does, however there is also a lot left unsaid. Slowly we are gaining more of an understanding that our childhood does affect our later life, and slowly it’s becoming recognised that in fact it greatly affects it. Psychotherapists such as Alice Miller clincally introduce us to the importance of childhood repression - the fact that during our early childhood anything bad that happened to us which we’ve suppressed, somehow becomes tucked away inside us and we continue to repress the bad experience and all its associated and resultant feelings, and that in some way these unexpressed feelings continue to influcnce and affect our adult lives. Many people have vague memories of bad things that might have happened to them during their early childhood and many that indeed did happen, all of which are still causing them some level of grief, pain and dissatisfaction in life. And some people understand that until they are able to heal their early childhood trauma and pain they will never have peace of mind and find happiness and fulfilment in life. Childhood repression is a very real thing and although it can’t be ‘measured’ or ‘proved’ to be true, still it exists within us all. And one can go so far as to say that no one is parented totally lovingly so everyone is subjected to some level of rejection, feeling unwanted and unloved at some stage by their parents during their early years. And these bad feelings have all been buried and prevented from being expressed because no one wants to feel such pain. And as children if we’re not allowed to show and demonstrate such feelings we can only learn to suppress and then repress them, there simply being nothing else we can do with them. No matter whether you feel loved by your parents and family, whether you feel you had a good or bad upbringing, still you will have much about your early childhood you are repressing, many bad feelings, and all you do in your adult life will be done to keep yourself from feeling them and their pain. Look at what you do in your life. Look at all the things you do to make yourself feel good. And then ask yourself: but why don’t I just naturally feel good? And why don’t you? And the answer is because you didn’t feel just good as a young child and so you still don’t. You see, all those bad things that happened to you and all the bad feelings you felt didn’t just ‘go away’ as you grew older. There was nowhere for them to go away to. And so they are all still buried deep within you. In a way, as you’ve grown older, you’ve just grown up ‘over’ them, but they are not only still within you, and unbeknown to you, they are affecting your every adult moment. And they are the reason why things don’t go well for you, why you get sick, why your relationships don’t work, why any and every bad thing happens to you and makes you feel bad. You felt bad back then, only you’ve forgotten, and so really you still feel bad, only you refuse to allow yourself to accept such bad feelings. But life keeps trying to show you, it keeps doing things to make you feel bad in the hope that one day you will want to know why. And in finding out, you will understand the connection between how you are now as an adult and how you were back during your forming years. Childhood repression is the last great frontier to be crossed, and the hardest. For to do so we are forced into having to deal with the truth that we don’t and didn’t feel as loved by our parents as we wanted to or believed we were. We may think that blasting off into space so we can gain access to all the ‘vast resources’ giving everyone on Earth a good standard of living will solve all our problems, however nothing could be further from the truth. Such thinking is still only running away, running away as far and as fast as we can from ourselves - from the pain of our early childhood. They only way humanity - the only way you - can truly love yourself and feel and live a truly loving life, is by healing your childhood repression. First you have to rectify all the wrong in you from what went on during your forming years. Most psychology doesn’t want to delve deep into ones repressed childhood, it’s too dark a place to go, and it’s too fraught, too much hurt to deal with. So many psychologists spend their time trying to help people increasingly bury their childhood repression ever deeper when the warning signs start to show. When you understand that you are suffering from repressed childhood feelings, and indeed everyone else is as well, then you will be able to see and accept that your life is being influenced the wrong way by them. And then you will be able to see that we’re all living life the wrong way, no matter who we are and what we might think, feel or believe about ourselves to be true. We live on a world comprised of billions of childhood repressed people, all of whom are doing all they can to cover up and keep repressed their pain and bad feelings. We live on a world of mass bad feeling suppression and rejection. We simply don’t want to know about it. We turn away from it, it hurt too bad back when we were little and the last thing we want to do is open up all those old wounds. And yet they haven’t, and can’t, so will never, stop festering. One day humanity will come to understand that its whole way of being is negative: feeling, and so self, denying. That no one is living true, everyone is false, and all we’re creating in our lives, all the great ‘progress’ we speak about, is nothing but a fantasy - a ‘feel-good’, or, so we want to believe. And when you start to wake up and accept that your life is untrue, false, and that you and it are full of shit, you have nowhere else to go other than into your repressed childhood feelings. Because it’s all within them. And by re-connecting with them, by finally allowing yourself to feel them, will you see the truth of what’s really going on within you and so heal yourself of your negative state of mind and being. And now is the time that the souls of humanity are going to start to be faced with waking up. Life won’t be as ‘easy’ as it was, things will become progressively harder, pressure will be brought to bear, as we struggle on trying to fix all we think is wrong with our minds. Slowly, living untrue to ourselves will start to catch up with us, and we won’t be able to run away as easily as we could. And down we’ll go. We’ll feel as if we’re being pulled down, down into a deep dark black hole. And the hole is the well that links you to all those bad feelings you repressed during your childhood. And as your life gradually puts the brakes on dragging you back, the only thing you can do is start to accept all the bad feelings you feel. Accept them, speak about them, and want to uncover the truth of why you are feeling them. That is the only way you can heal your childhood repression. Uncover the truth of all your feelings - and you'll feel true, good, happy and loved. |
I have to face the truth, and accept, they don’t love me. And express all the pain and hurt I feel; or, that pain and hurt will kill me.
What is love in the negative? That’s what we’ve got to find out.
What happens to the child that grows up feeling unloved? You happen! And the truth of this you’ll find out by doing your childhood repression healing.
Proof
Is there any proof to show childhood repression is real and that you have it within you? No. None that I know of, only personal testimony. However, I guarantee that if you decide to heal your childhood repression you will be left in no doubt as to it being very real. And if anything, all too real! Your childhood repression
It is waiting for you to discover. It will involve great psychological insight into your early childhood relationships, all of which will come to you naturally as you progress in your healing. You can receive professional help to break through blocks, point stuff out, and help you gain personal insights and revelation, however, once you fully embrace your healing it won't be long before you realise that you have to do it mostly on your own. It is a journey of intense self-discovery, and in a way, something of a spiritual one, as you will uncover the whole truth of yourself. Your childhood repression has been caused by your parents and carers during your formative years not allowing you to freely express your feelings. And because of this you have had to call on your mind to fill in places where there should have been feelings, causing what is called your self-denial. Your self-denial is really denial of your feelings, so as you heal your childhood repression you will liberate your feelings ending your denial of them, and in particular the denial of your bad feelings. You will find as you progress healing your childhood repression that is all about feelings. So if you aren't interested in feelings, in liberating them so you can freely express them, you'll fail to make any progress in healing the causes of your childhood repression. If you are interested in feelings, and liberating all you're denying, then you'll be sure to gain a quick understanding of all that's involved. Your childhood repression is within you, subtly controlling and influencing your every day and moment in life. To free yourself of your self-denying negative patterns and beliefs is what I am mostly concerned about, and something you can begin to do at any time. Are you denying, pushing aside, refusing to acknowledge any bad feelings?
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We are parented so as the child we blame ourselves for our parents inadequacies.
Healing your childhood repression
Can you?
Yes, I believe so. I am not there yet myself, however from all I understand it can be done. Some people I have read about who have worked on themselves to heal their childhood repression have claimed to have done so, however, from what I can tell from their descriptions, comparing them to Marion and my experiences, at best, they might have healed some part of it, but I feel in time they will discover there is more. As you too will you discover... there is always more... and is there no end to it!
How do you?
I couldn't begin to explain here all that is involved in the healing of your childhood repression, this being simply a brief introduction, but here is a little of what you will need to do.
First, decide that you do want to find the whole truth of yourself – no matter what. This is very important, as it will be the strength of your commitment to uncovering the truth that is within you hidden by your childhood repression, that will drive your healing.
Next, you begin trying to become aware of how you are denying certain feelings – mostly bad ones.
Then you try to stop denying them. Instead of pretending they don't exist by brushing them aside you go the opposite way: honour them, accept you feel them, and ALLOW yourself to feel them – this is very important. The truth you are looking for is hidden 'under' your repressed bad feelings, so to stop your repression and suppression of them, you have to allow them to be; allow them to make you feel bad. You have to allow yourself to feel as bad as your feelings make you, and this is very difficult to do because all your programming is set in place to deny them, to keep them repressed – to stop yourself feeling bad. So the ongoing striving to accept your bad feelings creates a tension in you, putting pressure on you, making you feel at times even worse, all of what you must want to happen. I know it probably contradicts everything you've been taught, but you actually have to want to feel bad; that is; want to allow yourself to feel bad. To allow yourself to feel as bad as your bad feelings make you feel. No one wants to feel bad and we do all we can to stop ourselves from feeling bad, but this only serves to keep all our feeling-denial – all our bad childhood feelings and the experiences that caused them – repressed. All firmly locked in place. So to heal our feeling-denial we have to want to do the opposite and feel bad. So you can see how hard it might get, because who wants to feel bad a lot of the time? And I can tell you, 16 years of virtually feeling constantly bad, and even longer for Marion as she started well before we met, is very trying indeed, but essential if you want to fully commit to the doing of your healing and the liberation of all your repressed childhood feelings.
How we aid ourselves in accepting and allowing our bad feelings to exist is to express them, the opposite to repressing them. To speak them out to preferably a person who wants to hear them, someone such as your partner, a friend, a 'helping witness', a counselor, a sympathetic ear; someone who is prepared to listen to you tell them all about how bad you're feeling.
If you don't have such a friend it can be difficult, because what you need to understand is all your repressed childhood feelings that are still within desperately want to be heard - you still desperately want to be heard! You can try talking to a wall, your pet, God; write your feelings out and how you feel about them: how they are making you feel. The more you can express them the more you'll be led – and this is the amazing part – back deeper into yourself until you re-connect with your buried repressed bad feelings from your early childhood. And when you start re-experiencing, by speaking about how you actually felt back then (the same as you feel now), insights, revelation and understanding will come up within you all of their own accord, showing you the truth of why you are feeling bad: the truth of what happened back then, which is still causing you now to have your bad feelings. You will feel and see, who and why, forced you to deny your feelings - to deny your self.
And what you uncover and see about your early childhood relationships with your parents, grandparents, relatives, other carers and influential people in your life, might greatly disturb you, shattering your beliefs about how you thought your relationship with them was. But this is what must happen if you are to rid yourself of all the falseness and everything that is untrue within you. It's what you must confront and accept if you do really and truly want to find the whole truth of yourself. And once found, the truth will free you from all your wrong beliefs and self-denying patterns, liberating the true you so you are free to express all you feel. You will be able to live true to your feelings, the eventual outcome of your Feeling-Healing.
If you are not prepared to look the truth of yourself squarely in the face then perhaps the doing of your childhood repression healing is not for you – yet. But if you are prepared to see what is really going on within you, as hard as it will be to accept, it will be completely liberating.
One day we wake up to the reoccuring pattern in our life that we don't feel as good as we want to. That bad things keep happening to us to make us feel bad. And when we've had enough of repeating the same pattern we decide we finally want to do something about it. And healing your childhood repression is the only thing you can do to fully heal yourself.
Childhood repression is the great mystery. It's the great affliction. We're all suffering from it and we're all trying to run away as fast as we can from it. No one wants to feel bad. We have learnt to hate and reject our bad feelings. But they are packed away inside us, all the ones we have denied. Our self-denial of our feelings is part of our formation, part of what we do; part of the fabric of our being, deeply embedded in our behaviour. And the only way we can heal it is to stop running and face our pain, anger, misery; to look into our trauma and accept it: the trauma resulting from not being loved as we needed to be loved by those who should have love us, and from whom we're still longing to for such love. A love that we have to accept will never come. And to accept all the crushing, soul-destroying, bad feelings about that.
I believe, healing your childhood repression might be the most challenging thing you'll ever do. And if you do want to find peace-of-mind, love, happiness, and bring feelings of joy and goodness into your heart, then it will need to be done. Your childhood repression is killing your spirit, if you truly want to be free, then you will need to heal yourself of it.