love
Love in the negative: the more ‘love’ you get, the more successful you are...
in the negative.
It’s all about control and power, and the ‘false love’ derived from it.
Is love in the negative better than no love at all?
in the negative.
It’s all about control and power, and the ‘false love’ derived from it.
Is love in the negative better than no love at all?
Love or no love
Are feelings of love real and true when they are experienced in a negative anti-love state of being? And the answer to this we are to find through our healing. If you feel loved, even greatly loved, there will still be elements within you that don’t feel so good, no one has as yet been parented perfectly and with complete love. And it’s these elements you will be denying the bad feelings of, and so it’s these bad feelings that will need to come up, be expressed and their truth seen. And as their truth comes to light, so too will you know the truth of your feelings of love. My healing is showing me that I never felt truly loved. I believed I did, but I wasn’t. Other people as I read their books and listen to them speaking about their good childhood memories and how much they loved and felt loved by their parents, show me that I can’t know what such people feel as being loved because I can’t relate to it, not having experienced it. And yet still with such people I can see parts of them they are denying, bad parts, unloved parts, with these parts needing to be worked on and brought to light through their healing. My work I’m presenting from the premise of no-love. I didn’t feel loved, so it doesn’t contain room for any feelings of love. So I say that all love is false, it can’t be real and true in a negative state, because that is how it was for me, and one can only know how it is for oneself. So if you read my work and don’t agree with all I say because you do feel loved, I can understand, and I guess if anything rings true or is of benefit to you, then you can take that and reject all the rest. My current understanding is as we all live in a negative state of will and mind, then within the negative is positive and negative. So in the positive negative spectrum, to put it like that, one does feel loved and good. In the negative negative, one feels unloved and bad. Yet because this love in the positive negative is still within the negative over all, it’s not real or true, being something contrived or fabricated by the mind based on relative experiences of feeling good and bad one has lived through one’s early life. As to what real and true love is, positive positive love, as it were, that awaits us once we’ve finished our feeling-healing. And so far, no one knows what this love feels like because no one as yet, to my knowledge, has completely healed their negative state. (Jesus and Mary Magdalene, being perfect and true and not subject to a negative state, are the exceptions to this, so we can look to them for some idea of what a perfect loving person might be like - refer to Divine Love Spirituality.) So I see all that we live and experience and feel as love, all whilst being bound up in our negative state, is not real and true love. It certainly feels good, and on a sheer feelings level may well feel like love - is love!, but it’s not occurring founded on or based on truth, so when the spotlight of truth is shone on it, doesn’t stand up to such interrogation. All my so-called feelings of love have slowly faded away as I’ve progressed through my healing, as I’ve come to see the truth of what generated them. All that I called loved has turned out to be feelings based on fantasy, on delusion, on a desperate desire to feel loved. I’ve taken the best of what I experienced when I was young and declared such feelings to be love. But they mostly haven’t been genuine love. All that I loved about people, my family and friends, and my life, has faded away into not being true feelings of love. All I loved about nature has remained. I loved my little fish, and I still love them through my memories. I loved my mother, but now I don’t, I hate her. I believed I loved her dearly, she was my mother, but now understanding how she treated me through my forming years and thereafter, I feel no such love, and I can see how I tried to hold onto the better times with her, turning such feelings during these times into love. But they were still all bad times. In all I am presenting, I think all to do with love, what it’s all really about, is going to be the hardest part for most people to come to terms with. We are all hiding a lot of hurt and pain, even if we feel very loved. And to liberate such suffering, to find the truth of it, and to face and live that truth, is the hardest part of all. |
We hate in others what we hate in ourselves, yet mostly we can’t see it.
Verbal violence does so much damage, it’s even more crippling than physical violence, especially when it’s ‘acceptable’.
It’s so easy to accuse the other. He is the Evil Monster, he did that heinous thing to that little baby then killed her. He is the bad one, we are the good ones. Kill him!, or, put him in prison forever! Take him out of society so we can be safe from the likes of him. And yet how did he become the monster that he is? He had a mother and father. And how tortured must he be inside - even if he refuses to feel such pain himself - to be able to do such bad things to an innocent baby. And yet we can’t allow ourselves to feel sympathy or compassion for him. That’s not right, he’s too bad, he needs to be instantly removed and for all time, all so we never have to feel bad. And we’d never dare judge ourselves as being evil, even though we abuse our own children all day long turning them into well behaved and socially acceptable monsters, which we who conform, all are.
We beat the child telling it we’re loving it. We grow up beaten children wrongly believing we’re loving and loved. We grow up living the lie.
We are locked up in our childhood. We can’t change unless life forces us to. Most people die bound up in it. And then carry on living still bound up in it during their spirit lives.
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We all abuse our children, because we’re all abused children.
It might not be obvious to you, but it’s there.
It might not be obvious to you, but it’s there.
Falling in love
Nothing about the negative state we’re living in is pleasing. Falling in love must be one of the most good-feeling things that can happen to us. However - and yes, within our self-denying state of being, there is always an ‘however’; so, however, if you fall in love and both of you are not intending to do your feeling-healing together, then it’s a relationship not only about ‘love’, but also about denying yet more feelings. So even though you may feel on top of the world, you are coming together to help each other, not to heal your negative state by uncovering all your repressed childhood feelings, but further advance it. And all under the guise of love. So what really is this love, all these wonderful good feelings - what really is it all about, when all you are actually doing is furthering your evil state? And if you want to further your negative state, become more evil, go further the wrong way, then all that love (and even receiving God’s Divine Love) can help you do it. So is it real and true love, this love that is helping you further your feeling- and self-denial? And this is what you will find out if you do your healing. We all want to find our soul-mate and live happily ever after, however even if you do find your soul-mate within the negative (which is highly unlikely no matter how 'in love' you are, unless you are intent on healing your negative state), then your relationship, unless you embark on helping each other heal it, will only serve you both in furthering your evilness. True soul-mate love and all the happiness and joy it brings can only occur when founded on truth, so when you’ve healed ALL your repressed childhood. Only when you are living true and free of any self and feeling denial can you truly come together in true love. |
If you are making yourself have unconditional love for your family and parents, then don’t you think it’s time you gave yourself some of that unconditional love and gave up your ‘love’ for your family and parents.
You can’t make yourself love, that’s only pretending you’re loving by using your mind. True love you don’t make up, you feel. And yet how do you know if what you 'feel' to be, is real and true love? When fantasy meets fantasy in the negative, then oh it's such wonderful love we feel for one another.
Real love means nothing else but the person feeling truly happy - no matter what.
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They hack away at you, and slowly you lose yourself.
And once lost, it's so hard to come back.
And once lost, it's so hard to come back.
Meeting someone you love
When you fall in love, when you realise and feel you love each other, and all the good feelings are very intense, then it’s just that much easier to use such intensity to further block out all the bad stuff. When you are ‘in love’ that is what it’s all about, delighting in all those great feelings, feeling blissed-out on love, with the last thing you want to know about, or even being capable of feeling, being bad feelings. We so desperately want to be filled, inundated, saturated with good feelings. We don’t want all those terrible bad feelings. So when love is offered, we grab it, thanking our lucky stars we feel that way about someone. And who can blame anyone for doing so, we’ve wanted to feel so fully loved ever since we were conceived and a baby. Yet all we feel love to be might not be what it is. All our negative programming is designed to help us deny certain bad feelings, all those horrible ones that would lead us into our early childhood, to feel all the bad feelings we felt back then but now don’t want to acknowledge and feel. And feeling loved is a part of this - apart of our ongoing denial, suppression and so repression of bad feelings. Love in the negative is a double-edged sword. |
No one wants to know why... why is that person as they are... why do they behave that way... what happened to them during their early life to make them be so bad. Parents don’t want to know why; why their child is doing what it’s doing, they only want it to stop doing it, all so they can get on with their little fantasy life of: feeling good, loving one another, and happy family.
We’re already hurting ourselves by living the wrong way, we don’t have to do anything else.
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We’re all battered children.
Physical, verbal, mental, emotional... we’re all damaged and in a lot of pain.
Physical, verbal, mental, emotional... we’re all damaged and in a lot of pain.
Can you have a true relationship of love in the negative?
No, you can’t. At best I think you can have a good friendship, certainly love is present, but love that is based on a united understanding that you’re both imperfect, both doing all you can to run away from feeling bad, that you are both unloving. And a relationship that fully acknowledges that you are full of fantasies and dreams wanting to come true, all to relieve the relentless pressure from your unconscious childhood repression. And you can have a good working relationship, one in which you help each other express all the yuk you are hiding from yourself; one in which you help each other bring up all your pain, expressing all the bad feelings whilst seeking the truth of them. A working relationship: working to help each other heal. To heal yourselves of your negative self-denying state of mind and will. It’s certainly a relationship with a different focus. One in which you both want, and indeed encourage, each other to feel as bad as you possibly can. To sympathise with each other when expressing all the bad stuff. And helping each other to understand the truth of living so evilly. It’s not a relationship in which you’re both trying as hard as you can to indulge in love, all to get as far away from your bad feelings as possible. And it’s a relationship of truth. Slowly and systematically as you heal yourself you are growing in truth. Your relationship with yourself grows, it becoming truer, as does your relationship with partner become truer. All as you steadily become progressively true to yourself, living true to all the feelings you feel. And love? Yes, love comes based on the truth growing and evolving within you. A very deep and profound, yet subtle and sublime, love. A knowing about each other, as you know yourself. And along with it, good feelings, good feelings that are true. Yet it’s slow going, and always whilst more yuk remains does it taint that which is true and of true love that’s coming into being. But gradually you feel yourself working closer toward the end. Closer to uncovering all the truth about your negative state, letting all the pain and hurt go. Gradually you get closer to discovering what real and true love feels like. |
‘What are you going to be when you grow up?’ You can’t be your true self, you have to be something else. So what’s it going to be... a doctor, a builder, a ...
It’s about ourselves being truly happy without anything. In the end the things all go, we only always have just ourselves. We have to make sure we’re all right and fuck the thing. We have to do it only for ourselves being right not because the thing demands it of us. If you put the thing ahead of yourself you’re making it the important one, not yourself, and that will only cause you to be unhappy. You might not feel unhappy at the time with the thing being what you believe you need to have to make you happy, but deeper within you you’re unhappy, because you’re living untrue to yourself.
We are all abused children, and it would appear some are more abused than others.
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Many people passionately love their family, love their parents, love their childhood, and yet sadly don’t see and refuse to accept the bad feelings, feelings that would lead them to understand that they weren’t as loved as they believe and feel they are. Sadly we live in a very self-deluded state of mind, that being brought about by our unloving and self-rejecting negative states. The truth is there when you what to see, and when you know what to look for. And it’s totally understandable that we have no idea what true love is, having never experienced it. And how can we when it doesn’t as yet exist on our world, and when we persist in doing all we can to keep the truth hidden from ourselves.
What is love?
I want to know what this love is that everyone feels for each other. We read how so many people love their family and feel so loved, and yet also read a catalogue of things that show they didn’t feel good and loved. So how can you feel loved and not loved, loved in one moment and hated in the next. Or is that how it is. I don’t know. To me, if you were truly loved, that’s how you’d feel - always loved, and so never feeling bad. I don’t understand it. So what are these love feelings? And can you have false love feelings? Feelings that make you feel you are loved and yet are not really true, because when analysed by looking at motives and intentions, turn out to be unloving feelings instead. It’s all so confusing. So is it then all about our beliefs, we simply believe we’re loved, so feel loved. We believe we love one another in our families, we might even be told we are loved, but such love is only based on beliefs and is not actually real as it’s no longer there when such beliefs are removed or changed. So is love directly connected to truth. That it’s even a measure of truth. In that one can only live dependent on the truth within oneself, so the lower the truth, the less love and loving we are, the higher the truth, the more love we feel and the more loving we are. I still don’t know. Is it that when we die, that is the best indicator of what truth we are living and so what love we have as well. If we are very untrue then we move to live in the so-called hells, feeling very unloved and not being able to love at all, feeling as bad as we do; and if we are of some truth, we then move to live in the mansion world appropriate to that level of truth and correspondingly are of that level of love as well. And it’s all irrespective of how loving you may or may not have felt about yourself, nature or other people, including your family. Because in spirit we can’t live a love higher than the truth we are, we can’t contrive love as much as it seems we can in the flesh. Or is it that we can, being the same over there as we are here. So are there spirits there using their minds to make themselves feel more loving than they really are, just as some people here do as well. And if you can use your mind to ‘create’ love, to generate loving feelings, then what is this love - or should it be, what is the TRUTH OF THIS LOVE. So is that it, is that what we’re meant to find out: what the truth of our love is. All so we can see if such love is founded on truth of the heart, so being genuine or real love; or based on beliefs of the mind, so being something that we’ve made up. So does made up mind-love feel different to genuine truth or heart-love? And if we live in a world that is in rebellion so anti truth and love, so is all false and untrue, can it be said then that that’s the same for the love feelings we have, that they are not really true. And can it then also be said that that is the same for all our feelings, that everything is false, so what we call and feel hatred to be is also not really true hatred. My head feels like it’s about to burst, it’s so confusing. So when someone says they love their family, their dog, their child, their mother or father, am I to accept this as truth, that they do love them because it’s obviously how they feel. Or do I remain forever skeptical about this love, because how can it be real and true love when they have been conceived into an anti truth and anti love world. Or is it they are just one of the lucky ones, someone who was loved and so feels love, albeit love within evil. And can you have love within evil at all? Is it that there is always love, no matter what. And those of us who don’t feel loved - well it’s just too bad, we missed out. So there are some people who feel loved and others who don’t, and as fucked as it is, that’s just the way of things, that’s how God has made it be. So will I whom feels I wasn’t loved, is not loving, can’t love, then go into spirit doomed forevermore to live in one of the loveless hells, whilst other people who do feel some love, will live happily on in higher worlds than mine. And am I growing in truth, and if so, well what about also growing in love, as that doesn’t seem to be happening, or not yet at least. And is it possible that one day I might become loving as an expression of my truth. Or is it that I’m deluding myself that I am growing in truth, and my whole thing is a wank, one big delusion; and the reason why I don’t feel loved and aren’t loving, is because neither am I growing or have grown in any truth at all. I just don’t know. And perhaps, and I hope this is the case, that as I’ve not finished my healing, so I’ve not as yet grown in enough truth to know. And if I ever do finish my healing, then being of a Celestial level of truth as I believe that’s what I will be, then so too will I be of a Celestial level of love. |
Love and truth
Can love exist without truth? That’s what we’re all to find out. If there is no truth to the love you feel, then that love will fade away as you seek the truth of yourself. The lower your truth, the less your love, and the more you have to contrive love with your mind if you want to be loving. The higher your truth, the more true and pure love, and you don’t have to do anything with your mind, as you’ll express such love naturally through your feelings. We exist in an anti truth state, so no truth. Or very little truth at best. And that love we feel for each other comes from what little truth there is. And if we grow in truth, healing our no-truth state, then naturally with ever increasing truth, so we will love and experience love more. So does that mean, people who love and feel loved are more advanced in truth than those who don’t? Not necessarily, because we can use our minds to be ‘more loving’, whilst being of very little or no truth. And such love when put under the spotlight of truth-scrutiny, ceases to exist, it fades away, it only being ‘false love’. If you feel wanted and cared about, you feel good and loved. Feeling unwanted and uncared about, you feel bad and unloved. And yet it’s all still within a negative unloving and self-denying state of being. |
I loved my cat
As I've grown in truth, so too have I grown in wanting to understand just what it is, this thing we call love.
I felt a great love for our little grey cat – Potsy. At times I felt there was nothing more I wanted to do than be roaming around the garden with her, or delighting in her antics, or having her sleeping contended on my lap. I loved her greatly and did all I could to fend off all the other neighbourhood cats that seemed intent of attacking and hurting her. However, there were other times when she thoroughly annoyed me. I would get so angry with her. Why did she persist in going over the fence and next door when surely she knew as I did, that she was going to get attacked. Why didn't she stay in our garden where at least I could offer her some protection.
And then there were all those other times when I wanted to write or do something and she wanted to play. I didn't want to be disturbed, feeling so annoyed that I had to stop what I was doing, as I could never ignore her, and do what she wanted me to do. And during these times I wished I didn't have her. It would have been so good to be by myself without this pest that kept needing my attention, always needing me to be there for her whenever she wanted it, and she not respecting me when I didn't want to be bothered and wanted to do things that didn't include her.
And yet during my 'bad' times with her, the thought of actually giving her away – oh no!, I could never do that. I loved her too much. She was mine, she was precious, she was my dear little grey cat.
So what is this love? And is this how love is, how being with another person or creature you love is, that in one moment you love and absolutely adore them, feeling like you couldn't love them anymore, your heart breaking with love, and then in the next, you hate them wishing you could get rid of them. And all because it suits you. Whilst they are how you want them to be you love them, when they are not, you hate them. And is that all it is? And is that right, how we all are and how it’s meant to be?
Sitting next to a mother with her toddler son in the waiting room yesterday they seemed happy together. He was climbing about on the seat next to her, and when he tired of that, looked at her and she picked him up sitting him on her lap. He showed he liked that snuggling into her chest while she kissed his head. It looked so nice, they obviously loving each other.
Then in the next moment, it all seemed to go downhill. Possibly he was bored, but he stated trying to take his shoe off, pulling at the Velcro straps. She kept doing it back up. He kept trying to undo it, she pushing his hand away, harder and harder as she kept doing it back up.
Then he started pulling at the front of her t-shit, obviously feeling hungry. She didn't want to feed him. She kept pushing his hand away, but he became more insistent. She became more annoyed with him, and as the battle progressed, she ended up flinging him about trying to loosen his grip and lying him flat on her lap as she begrudgingly gave into him having to then try and reveal her breast to him in the middle of the crowed waiting room.
And the more he asserted his will, the more annoyed she got. He finished, then wanted more. She heaved him up and flipped him over like he was a log of wood, positioning him for her other breast. Finally her name was called and she sorted her clothing out, grabbed him and off they rushed.
So to me, and I can't know or judge how it was for them, she seemed so loving with all the kissing when he was doing as she wanted him to do, not disturbing her. But as soon as he did disturb her, she was unloving and very heavy handed having to try and control him.
I couldn't understand why she didn't tell reception that she was going to feed him in the changing room that was only a few steps away, and ask if she could she be called when her turn was ready to see the doctor. It all seemed so unnecessary to me, but again, I can't judge, and I have no idea what was going on between them. But the boy wasn't happy once his mother started to resist him, that much was clear.
Earlier that day I'd been in the upstairs waiting room watching a pregnant mother with her little toddler. The little girl was running all over the place having a ball, screaming merrily away with everyone laughing along with her. This mother also had an older man helping her with the little one. He staying with the child when the mother went in for her appointment. So it all looked very nice and a happy, loving family. But how would this mother have been had she been there by herself struggling to look after her little girl while waiting to be seen. Would I have seen a nice loving happy scene? Who can tell.
And it's not that I care, it's just that I want to know if this is how it is for us all, and to varying degrees. We feel loved and loving when we feel good with everything going our way, and bad and hating when it's not. Is that how it is, is that natural?
Or, is this how it is for us in our fucked up negative way. And if we were true and perfect then we'd not be in the situations we'd be in with our children and pets. And we'd have lives in which everything always went our way, and we'd have no reason to be angry and hate anyone. And we'd love and feel loved all the time.
As I've grown in truth, so too have I grown in wanting to understand just what it is, this thing we call love.
I felt a great love for our little grey cat – Potsy. At times I felt there was nothing more I wanted to do than be roaming around the garden with her, or delighting in her antics, or having her sleeping contended on my lap. I loved her greatly and did all I could to fend off all the other neighbourhood cats that seemed intent of attacking and hurting her. However, there were other times when she thoroughly annoyed me. I would get so angry with her. Why did she persist in going over the fence and next door when surely she knew as I did, that she was going to get attacked. Why didn't she stay in our garden where at least I could offer her some protection.
And then there were all those other times when I wanted to write or do something and she wanted to play. I didn't want to be disturbed, feeling so annoyed that I had to stop what I was doing, as I could never ignore her, and do what she wanted me to do. And during these times I wished I didn't have her. It would have been so good to be by myself without this pest that kept needing my attention, always needing me to be there for her whenever she wanted it, and she not respecting me when I didn't want to be bothered and wanted to do things that didn't include her.
And yet during my 'bad' times with her, the thought of actually giving her away – oh no!, I could never do that. I loved her too much. She was mine, she was precious, she was my dear little grey cat.
So what is this love? And is this how love is, how being with another person or creature you love is, that in one moment you love and absolutely adore them, feeling like you couldn't love them anymore, your heart breaking with love, and then in the next, you hate them wishing you could get rid of them. And all because it suits you. Whilst they are how you want them to be you love them, when they are not, you hate them. And is that all it is? And is that right, how we all are and how it’s meant to be?
Sitting next to a mother with her toddler son in the waiting room yesterday they seemed happy together. He was climbing about on the seat next to her, and when he tired of that, looked at her and she picked him up sitting him on her lap. He showed he liked that snuggling into her chest while she kissed his head. It looked so nice, they obviously loving each other.
Then in the next moment, it all seemed to go downhill. Possibly he was bored, but he stated trying to take his shoe off, pulling at the Velcro straps. She kept doing it back up. He kept trying to undo it, she pushing his hand away, harder and harder as she kept doing it back up.
Then he started pulling at the front of her t-shit, obviously feeling hungry. She didn't want to feed him. She kept pushing his hand away, but he became more insistent. She became more annoyed with him, and as the battle progressed, she ended up flinging him about trying to loosen his grip and lying him flat on her lap as she begrudgingly gave into him having to then try and reveal her breast to him in the middle of the crowed waiting room.
And the more he asserted his will, the more annoyed she got. He finished, then wanted more. She heaved him up and flipped him over like he was a log of wood, positioning him for her other breast. Finally her name was called and she sorted her clothing out, grabbed him and off they rushed.
So to me, and I can't know or judge how it was for them, she seemed so loving with all the kissing when he was doing as she wanted him to do, not disturbing her. But as soon as he did disturb her, she was unloving and very heavy handed having to try and control him.
I couldn't understand why she didn't tell reception that she was going to feed him in the changing room that was only a few steps away, and ask if she could she be called when her turn was ready to see the doctor. It all seemed so unnecessary to me, but again, I can't judge, and I have no idea what was going on between them. But the boy wasn't happy once his mother started to resist him, that much was clear.
Earlier that day I'd been in the upstairs waiting room watching a pregnant mother with her little toddler. The little girl was running all over the place having a ball, screaming merrily away with everyone laughing along with her. This mother also had an older man helping her with the little one. He staying with the child when the mother went in for her appointment. So it all looked very nice and a happy, loving family. But how would this mother have been had she been there by herself struggling to look after her little girl while waiting to be seen. Would I have seen a nice loving happy scene? Who can tell.
And it's not that I care, it's just that I want to know if this is how it is for us all, and to varying degrees. We feel loved and loving when we feel good with everything going our way, and bad and hating when it's not. Is that how it is, is that natural?
Or, is this how it is for us in our fucked up negative way. And if we were true and perfect then we'd not be in the situations we'd be in with our children and pets. And we'd have lives in which everything always went our way, and we'd have no reason to be angry and hate anyone. And we'd love and feel loved all the time.
We’re all poor pathetic creatures.
We’re all fucked, and we can’t help it.
No one is better or worse than anyone else.
If you feel you’re better than someone else, then good luck with your delusion.
We’re all fucked, and we can’t help it.
No one is better or worse than anyone else.
If you feel you’re better than someone else, then good luck with your delusion.