the trauma
the trauma of 'loving' parenting
Put yourself in your crying child.
Feel his or her anguish, allow yourself to be taken into their pain.
This is the pain you feel, what you felt when you were a child, as you can’t really feel your child’s pain. Then ask yourself: does your child feel happy and loved?
And if not, then as its parent, don’t you think you’re doing something wrong?
Feel his or her anguish, allow yourself to be taken into their pain.
This is the pain you feel, what you felt when you were a child, as you can’t really feel your child’s pain. Then ask yourself: does your child feel happy and loved?
And if not, then as its parent, don’t you think you’re doing something wrong?
Observe the parent Australian magpie following its child. It never controls it, it never tells it what to do or how to be. It never tells it what to say. It is never angry or mean or unloving to it. It doesn’t control it even to the point of allowing its child to die. It always puts its child first, it always stays true to itself. It never makes its child look after its needs. It never forces its child - ever. It never chastises, criticises, ridicules, humiliates, punishes, demands, debases, shits on, its child. It only does what it feels to do. Is that how we treat our children? A bird parents its child more unconditionally, more all-accepting, more lovingly, than we do. We've got a lot to learn.
The Australian magpie baby does it how it wants. We do it how our parents want. The Australian magpie baby puts itself first (as do the adults) all the time. We are taught to put our parents first. We’re taught to be submissive, to put the other person first. We are taught how to have 'power' whilst being controlled and made to feel powerless. We are taught to be untrue and false, whereas the magpie always stays true and would never feel controlled or powerless, always delighting in its own natural power. The Australian magpie baby always remains free within itself; we never feel free, yet pretend we do. Whatever you do: DON’T TRAIN YOUR CHILD, it’s not a fucking dog! And for that matter, don’t even train your dog - don’t be so cruel as to have one.
We come into a traumatic way of living. We are conceived in trauma. We’re born in trauma. We live through our forming years in trauma. We live as traumatised adults. Only most of us believe we aren’t traumatised because we’re not showing all the accepted signs of being traumatised. We insist on living relativities because we don’t want to face the truth.
If you’re made to feel you don’t or shouldn’t exist at any time from conception through your forming years, you’re going to have a very hard and difficult life, possibly being a total failure in the eyes of the world. If your parent says ‘I wish I hadn’t had you’, then what hope have you got ever feeling good about yourself and your life. No way, it’s not going to happen no matter how hard you try. You might be able to keep up a false front for some time, but in the end the truth of their hatred of you will govern your life. And to heal yourself of these terrible feelings you’ll need to do your feeling-healing.
You have to look after your child’s needs - and accommodate it, NOT make your child look after your needs, accommodating you - which your child will do if you make it be obedient to you. It is for the child not for the adult - as the adult you've had your turn. The child is not to be made to be concerned about and responsible for the adult. If you take its focus away from itself putting it on you by making it pay attention to you, then you are making it lose itself putting you in its place. It will then try to live its life as if through you, as if it is you, but it is not you, making it never feel fulfilled or satisfied with life. This causing it all its problems. Be aware of the dangers of control. If you control your child, it will forever feel controlled, never feeling rightfully in charge of its own life. It might believe it feels in charge, but such will be its delusion, that which will eventually make it feel bad and will have to be healed.
If you feel like you have to keep going, you can’t stop no matter what, because if you do then you’ll fall in a heap being incapable of ever getting going again, then your feeling denial will one day catch up with you. One day your life will force you to stop, and it will be far more severe than if you begin to do it voluntarily based on doing your feeling-healing.
We fail to understand that the slightest rebuff as a child that makes us feel unloved, unwanted and rejected, is devastating.
And the slightest rebuff does make us feel unloved, unwanted and rejected. Our constant trauma is we live in a constantly devastating state. Just because the young child seems to have got over it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatised during the bad experience. Every bad experience is a big trauma for us if we don’t feel completely loved.
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From conception we’re learning about life - our own life. Every little thing we go through is about how life is for us, and how it will be - it all gets set in place:
EVERY LITTLE BIT. Making the young child say 'thank you' is criminal.
We can only abuse if we were abused. We can’t love if we weren’t loved. We can pretend we love, but that’s only a symptom of our abuse.
Parenting in the negative is a power trip. Nothing more, no matter how ‘loving’ you might be.
We sacrifice the child by stopping it being its natural self.
So you don’t think you suffered any traumas during your early life... do your feeling-healing and then see what you think.
Just because the young child seems to have got over it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatised during the bad experience. Every bad experience is a big trauma for us if we don’t feel completely loved.
Everyone is a product of their upbringing. How you were treated as a child is how you are as an adult - how you treat yourself, others, and how the world treats you.
Did your mother treat you like a doll?
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As a forming child to be told NO is a trauma.
And if you don’t think it is, then do your feeling-healing.
And if you don’t think it is, then do your feeling-healing.