parenting and CR
Parents can do whatever they want to their little child without anyone interfering.
And all they do is exert their power and control over the weaker one.
So where is the love in that?
And all they do is exert their power and control over the weaker one.
So where is the love in that?
You don’t need to train your child - you should NEVER train your child.
Any training requiring any form of discipline is damaging it.
To parent this way is wrong, even if it is accepted as the norm.
Just because it’s accepted and everyone does it, doesn’t meant it’s right.
Look at how fucked you are as an adult after all that ‘loving’ training and ‘well-meant’ discipline.
Any training requiring any form of discipline is damaging it.
To parent this way is wrong, even if it is accepted as the norm.
Just because it’s accepted and everyone does it, doesn’t meant it’s right.
Look at how fucked you are as an adult after all that ‘loving’ training and ‘well-meant’ discipline.
Doing your healing and parenting.
What is good parenting? From my healing experiences, all of which have slowly revealed my true relationship with my parents, I’d have to say the obvious: that parenting is all about relationships, and so good parenting is about having good relationships with your children. So what is having a good relationship with your children? Of course the obvious answer to this question is loving them, loving them unconditionally, however there’s a lot to being able to do this, all of which we can’t do whilst we’re of a negative mind and will. From the theory of feeling-healing I would say that having a good relationship with your child - any good relationship for that matter, is all determined by truth. And so simply, if you are living true then so too will you relate truly to your child. You’ll relate to it as you relate to yourself. If you relate untruly to yourself, as reflected in your denial of any aspect of yourself, so too will you relate untruly to your child and in all your relationships. We can’t be other than how we are. And our healing is all about finding out the truth of how we are. Within your negative state, you can of course do all you can and do all you believe that is being a better parent. You can read all the books and even do what you feel to be right, and some of these things might be okay, they might help your relationship with your child, but still it will all be within the negative and so still there will be flaws and faults, still all the love your child requires of you, you won’t be able to give. What I wanted was for my parents to relate always fully personally to me (only I didn’t know this when I was a child, it being something I’ve only become aware of through my healing). I wanted them to be with me in all that I did, said and were. I wanted them to always make me feel wanted and accepted for being how I am. I didn’t want them to change me, to make myself change becoming obedient to them. I wanted my self-power and self-esteem to remain in tact, I didn’t want to be hacked apart. I wanted to be unconditionally allowed to freely and fully express all I felt and thought. Yet I had no idea what this was, how it would have been like. But it’s what I want now and how I want to be. As we heal our childhood repression, because it involves the uncovering and so seeing the truth of our feelings, then it’s a process and indeed an evolution or ascension of truth. So we’re constantly growing in truth. And if we are a parent, then that growth of truth will be reflected in our parenting at each level. So if you are a parent and doing your feeling-healing then you can know your relationships with your children will be getting better all the time - truer, as you become more true to yourself. Children during their forming years are not unlike nature, not unlike creatures in how they can help us in our feeling-healing. Your child will be of unconditional loving service to you, all to help you bring up what’s buried in you. And as difficult as this will be, your child making you feel bad, still it will greatly benefit you both, and your relationship will be all the better for it. Your child will push your buttons bringing great pressure to bear, however if you can only remember that it’s only reflecting stuff that’s wrong in you and its not bad itself, you are bad, then you can stay on your side without taking your bad feelings out on it - without trying to stop it from making you feel bad, and express all you feel uncovering the truth of such feelings. However it will be terribly difficult, and this too you can accept as you won’t be perfect in it, particularly as you start off, but you will get better as you heal more of your yuk out of you. Of course you won’t want to inflict your yuk on your child, however you already are, and so the best you can do is simply keep slogging on doing your feeling- or soul-healing. And if you as yet don’t have children, then you might want to heal all of your negative condition before you have them. But also bear in mind that it will take many years and you might go beyond child bearing age, and that perhaps it might be actually in your life plan to have children whilst doing your healing. Anyway, all you can do is what you do - what your feelings will lead and show you to do. And if you do your healing having already been a parent with your children now parents themselves, then as you work through your stuff you’ll feel whether or not you should directly involve them, for it might be that you don’t, they might resent and resist your intrusion in their life, even if you feel you are trying to right some wrongs. Once they are adults they are on their own, meaning they are free to do their feeling-healing when they feel they are ready to do it, be that during their flesh life or when they are in spirit. All such things are what your relationship with your children will be about, which is what your relationship with yourself is about. And as with all relationships, it’s the feelings that count, not the thoughts. Should you control your children? No, I don’t think you should control them, anyone or anything, not even yourself. If you can live true to your feelings allowing yourself to be feeling-led in life, then you won’t control anything or anyone. However, having said that it’s very difficult to live in a completely controlling society and world and not control yourself or your children. And even more difficult when you’ve formed being influenced by your controlling parents. So even though you might not control your children in more obvious ways, in many not so obvious ways you still will be. There is no such thing as the free child, being parented by a free adult, when the adult is still existing within its negative state and subject to the control of its childhood repression. Only when you have healed yourself completely of your self-denial and unloving state of mind can you parent your child truly and freely. And by the way, if you miss out on being a parent for any reason whilst on Earth, in spirit, if you want to be a parent, there are always plenty of spirit babies you can adopt. And what about when your child is in a bad, even life threatening, situation, should you control it then? And the answer is that you should never control it, however, you should also: ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU FEEL TO DO. As its parent you do have certain responsibilities, and through your feelings you will uncover what these are and how best to act on them. It’s not a matter of being perfect, but rather that you keep expressing all you feel to your partner whilst seeking the truth of such feelings. And if that involves some control, then so be it, yet as you control you should always seek to uncover the truth of why you want to do it through your feelings. From what I can see concerning accepting our powerlessness in our negative condition, it’s not so much about trying to stop your child from doing something, but it’s always allowing it to be free to fully express all it feels. You can stop it all so long as it’s still free to express all it’s feelings. It’s the stopping of it expressing it’s feelings, not so much what it does and doesn’t do, that is where the damage is done. To stop it doing what it wants to do and then stop it expressing it’s feelings about being stopped, is killing it. The expressing of its feelings being vital to its feeling good about itself by maintaining its natural power. The child might want something that you simply can’t afford to give it, so you say no, but so long as you allow it to voice its protest, to express all its bad feelings, and in time it can learn about life, that it can’t necessarily have all it wants when it wants it, but it can always express all it feels about that. However, as it is expressing itself, the parent needs to be lovingly attentive to it, and not trying to control it by making it stop expressing its feeling in any coercive and deceptive way. And it’s also vital that you don’t lie to it. Too many parents tell their children all sorts of lies, hardly being straightforward and true with them, all so as to maintain power and control. It’s your child’s life and it too has the right to know about all that’s going on within it. I was speaking to a father the other day who said he thinks parents should be taught the basics of how to parent, however I disagree as you can’t learn how to be a truly loving parent with your mind. It has to come from your feelings, expressing the truth you feel in your heart. Certainly it might change some behaviour helping the parent to control themselves and the situation more to everyone’s advantage, but it will still involve levels of control. I also read in a book a counsellor saying that most of what we learn at school is of no use to us, simply a waste of time (which I totally agree with). And she said it would be much better for children to learn such things as how to relate truly and freely with each other, how to express feelings and thoughts clearly, how to communicate respecting the other person and themselves, how to interact together through feelings - good and bad - and not just through set learned mental behaviour. She said parents don’t have the time in their busy lives to help children with these important aspects of growing up and getting to know themselves and how to express themselves in life, and I couldn’t agree more. However this is all very well and might help people grow up feeling much better about themselves, but it still negates the real issue at hand, and as she said: that parents simply aren’t with their children enough, that they aren’t having true relationships with them. And it’s not just a matter of time spent with a child, it’s how you are with them, the interaction and communication and the WANTING to be and connect with them, accepting them for all they are without trying to change or control them. So for me parenting, and whether or not you should control, is more a matter of: not what you do and say, but how you are with the child. If the child doesn’t feel loved by you its parent, then its suffering and you are doing something very wrong. But as to how do you know if your child is feeling unloved... well, you can’t know for sure in every situation, you can only know if you feel loved yourself. And if you do, then naturally you will love your child and it will feel loved. So to find out if you feel loved is what doing your childhood repression healing is all about. The Free Child Ideally the aim, so far as I understand it, is to parent your child so it remains free, but what does this mean? And my healing has shown me that it’s the freedom to express itself that is what is most important. And if this is stopped then damage to the emerging person being unable to fully express itself - its personality - in life, will occur. And as we’re all living in a way that doesn’t allow the child to freely be self-expressive, then we’re all damaged as adults. So what does being fully self-expressive, and so free, mean? And this harder to define. The theory is that it means every aspect of your will is allowed to come into being and function fully, thereby bringing every aspect of your souls personality into being - into life, into Creation. And once your primary will circuits are formed, as by the time you are a fully functioning mind, around six or seven years old (when your Indwelling Spirit of God arrives in your higher mind: re - Divine Love Spirituality), then you will keeps bringing you into being based on these original patterns. That’s the simply theory, but how does this relate on the personal level? And for me this has become the most abstract and difficult part of my healing, the part left to last having healed all the more obvious stuff, that which is blocking my self-expression and my being my true natural self. However it comes down to how my parents related to me, and of course, how they loved me or denied me love. Initially, and particularly having read A.S. Neill’s Summerhill, and seeing how he tried to allow the children under his care to be free, I thought, at least tried to imagine, what it might be like if a parent, if indeed my parents, allowed their children, allowed me, to be free like Neill did. And it sounded and felt good, however now I’ve realise there’s a lot more to it than just allowing your child to be free to do whatever it pleases whenever it feels like it. At the Fishing Park where I work casually some parents come who are obviously trying to allow their child to be ‘free’, however it doesn’t work as the child is nothing more than a complete nuisance, an annoying little shit that is totally without any self-control and won’t respond properly to anything that’s said to it. It just does as it pleases totally without any awareness that anyone else exists, it’s like a little renegade or run away train, failing to respond to any reaching out to it to have a relationship. And even in my judgemental subjectivity it obviously doesn’t seem like it wants to have a loving interaction with anyone let alone its parents, something that doesn’t seem natural to me. Yet I can’t blame it because I can also see that it is its parents who don’t want to have anything to do with it, they being content to mostly ignore it under the pretext of allowing it to be ‘free’. Then I observe other very controlling parents and the child is stopped from doing anything, just having to carry out the commands of its parents, and this too is terribly disheartening as how will it ever be able to do what it wants to do in its adult life without needing someone to tell it what to do. One father that other day wouldn’t allow his two young boys to catch the fish themselves, he doing all the fishing, then telling them how good they were at catching the fish, and wasn’t it great fun pulling it in, when they hadn’t even held the fishing rod! So I can see that just allowing your child to be free to do as it pleases doesn’t work, just as controlling it to heavily, or controlling it all, doesn’t work. Our society isn’t structured to allow us to be completely free anyway, and perhaps if it were we’d learn about considering others and not just living a completely selfish life. But as our society is heavily controlled, being free in this way isn’t going to work. And being controlled might seem to work only because it’s an acceptable way of life, that which we all demand of each other. Slowly what has become apparent to me what being free, truly free, really is. And that is being free with and parented by positive minded and willed parents, and not just being ‘free’ as one extreme of the negative condition. And what this freedom is can only come about through the interaction in a positive and fully loving way by parents with their children, and it will be in future, by parents who have completed their healing. If you are planning on being a parent, or have been one, then understand that no matter how good and loving your intentions might be with your child, you’re still going to fuck it up. You can’t help it, it’s how it’s been for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s deeply ingrained in us. And the only way out of it is to do your feeling-healing. And fucking it up might not be bad. It will just hurt as you uncover the truth of how you damaged your child, as you were damaged by your parents when you were a child. The parent needs to be completely true to itself, which means it will be completely self-expressive so will be having a completely loving relationship with itself. And by doing so, will naturally have one with its child. And this is the crux of being free. My parents weren’t fully self-loving or self-expressive so they didn’t relate to me this way. They didn’t make me feel completely wanted, accepted and loved. They didn’t completely unconditionally accept me, and most importantly they just weren’t there with me. My life wasn’t about growing up at-one with them, with them wanting nothing else in their lives except me. They didn’t want to give themselves fully to me, and so none of their communication and interaction with me made me feel loved. And by feeling so rejected, unloved and unwanted, stopped me from freely being able to freely express myself or love myself. The parents at the Fishing Park who allow their children to be ‘free’ aren’t there WITH their children. And this is very obvious when you know what to look for. All of their behaviour with their child says that really they can’t bear their child, wishing they didn’t have to deal with it, and so neglect it by believing they are doing a good thing for it by not being so ‘controlling’. Only they are still just as controlling as those parents who are outwardly as controlling. And the controlling parents are the same, they don’t want to be WITH their child, they just want it to do what they want so it won’t bother them, all because really they don’t want it either. They don’t want to have a true, real and loving relationship with it. They too, underneath it all, and if they could be honest, wouldn’t want their child either. As we are living in a negative mind and will condition, all that we call ‘free’ is only relative within this state, so it’s still really controlling and not free, it might only look different on the surface to what we see as being controlled and not free. A.S Neill’s children although they did feel the benefits from his freer approach really only benefited from Neil himself. Because he, as much as he could within his negative state, wanted to be there with and for them, it was his interaction with them that helped counterbalance some of their unloving experiences with their parents. So to be a true parent, and to parent your children truly allowing them to be fully self-expressive, can and will only come if you are that way with yourself, which in our cases currently, can only be achieved by first healing ourselves. As people set out to do their childhood repression healing growing in truth, then slowly their relationship with themselves and so their children will change for the better. Slowly the children will be loved and will feel free, growing up being loving of themselves. |
You yell and scream at your children because you feel they are controlling you, but they are not. It’s only a belief. And you can’t see it. If you want to see it, then you will need to do your feeling-healing.
As children we don’t know if our parents are right or wrong, we have to grow up and live more life with other people having other experiences and feelings before we can find out.
And then we wake up to understanding that our parents wanted it all their way, they didn’t give a shit about our way. Some parents of course are greater controllers than others, but still no child is allowed to grow up being totally free, to express itself how it feels it wants to. And when our parents don’t like something about us, something we do, something we say, they take it upon themselves to smash it out of existence, to get rid of the annoyance. But it’s us they are getting rid of, it’s us they are crushing out of existence and hurting to the core of our being making us feel so rejected and unloved. Us, their very own child. A mother’s love; a mother’s intuition; a mother knows. The mother has tickets on herself.
Who feels sorry for the horrible mother; the mother who kills her own children.
What horrors has she had to suffer to turn her into such an unfeeling person; someone so disconnected from her own feelings; someone full of such pain as to drive her to do such an awful thing. What did her parents drive her to do - kill her own children? She's only trying to kill her bad self in killing her children. The self her parents tried to kill, wanted dead - hated.
She’s always telling me off, even if I’m doing it how she said. The state she’s in is always changing. It’s too hard to being with her.
Our parents are poor fucks, just as their parents are - just as we are. Great life!
Parenting techniques - forget them, their only methods of control.
The only true way to parent is with your feelings, and really that is provided you’re living true to yourself having done your feeling-healing. Up until then, no matter how well intended you might feel you are with your child; no matter how free you allow it to be to express itself, still unconsciously you’ll be heavily controlling and negatively influencing it. Your pattern was fixed during your early childhood, you’ll be living it out for eternity until you do your healing.
I have a desperate urgency to eat, I’m very angry at being made to wait.
So many times I remember having to wait until dinner was reading, and not being able to eat anything before it, because: ‘You won’t eat your dinner.’ And how many times when I was a young child and a baby, that I can’t remember, when I was made to wait. To not have food when you’re hungry as a child brings up intense fear of your life being threatened. And to think I grew up in a reasonably well-off middle class family, and yet I feel like I’ve been made to starve. God knows what horrible pain it would be to feel to actually starve as a baby or little child - at any time for that matter. She’s always telling me off, even if I’m doing it how she said. The state she’s in is always changing. It’s too hard to being with her.
Fixing our problems such as going to a therapist is only the first step. We have to see the whole truth, from the perspective of our soul, not just what is limited to the physical. Healing our traumas through such therapy is just stepping through the doorway into our deeper soul-trauma, what our real problems are, the heart of our feeling-denial. And if we choose to go through the doorway into the deeper hidden parts of ourselves, then we’ll find the complete truth of ourself, of our soul, and so the truth of God - who God really is.
We grow up in prison - varying degrees of security, maximum to low. Then most people end up becoming prison warders themselves.
The child gets NO
The parent gets yes Who is it all for? We should never be alone when we’re young unless we want to be alone. We should never sleep alone - especially when we’re a baby and very young - unless we want to. Our separation should come as we want it, not being forced on us when others want it. And if were true and loving we’d naturally feel such things.
Stop blaming your parents, get over your childhood, don’t worry about it, it’s over, past, let it go. Having a bad childhood is no excuse...
Wrong Way Go Back! Blame them, don’t get over it, get into it, all the bad feelings you feel about it. You’re not being punished for being bad, it’s their mistreatment of you. Any mistreatment of us makes us feel we’re bad, that we’re the horrible thing. If they truly love us they wouldn’t be mistreating us.
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Without love you feel like you don’t exist.
So if denied love you have to find something else to make you 'feel' you do exist - that you do have something, that you are someone.
And you will love this something, and even call such 'good' feelings love, but it’s not true love.
And it’s hurting you, reinforcing your dependence on your negative state by keeping it in place.
With love - truth love, we feel we do exist, and don't have to do anything other than just enjoy existing.
So if denied love you have to find something else to make you 'feel' you do exist - that you do have something, that you are someone.
And you will love this something, and even call such 'good' feelings love, but it’s not true love.
And it’s hurting you, reinforcing your dependence on your negative state by keeping it in place.
With love - truth love, we feel we do exist, and don't have to do anything other than just enjoy existing.
Good parenting? - and our negative state.
If there’s no violence and outward show of anger and hate, then everything is fine. But it’s not. Mostly we believe that if the parents aren’t violent, that the family is spared violence and outward shows of anger and hatred, then everything is fine, that being children can grow up feeling loved and secure. And feeling so, such children are able to become independent individuals who aren’t prone to always remaining dependent anti social and generally suffering all sorts of emotional and psychological problems and difficulties. If love is present, then the child grows up well-adjusted; if no love, then it becomes a failure, criminal, and doing the horrible things to its family that were done to it. What I want to point out is we’re all fucked, no matter what the surface might appear like. That someone from a more well-adjusted loving family, still deep within themselves, will feel unloved and powerless but probably won’t be outwardly displaying such repressed early childhood feelings. Whereas someone from a fucked-up family can’t hold back and disguise all the trauma and torture as easily. And so whilst we trade-off, saying: I’m okay, because I’m not as bad as those people are, I love my children whereas clearly they don’t; I would never hit my child whereas they only beat theirs up, then we’re missing the whole point about childhood repression and our negative anti love condition of mind and will. Mostly we see there is an ongoing battle between all that is good and all that is evil. People who beat the shit out of their children, animals and other people are evil - bad, and those people who are kind, caring and considerate are good. However what I’m saying is that we’re all evil and bad, only what we see as the fight between evil and good, is a fight between the two extremes or opposite ends of evil. So those people who outwardly harm others are obviously bad, but those people who seem genuinely nice are just not as bad. Yet we are all still bad, no one is truly good, not even those people we worship and admire as being living saints. And this can be seen in how we parent. Those parents who consider themselves good and loving, kind and caring, might not outwardly beat their children, however unbeknown to them, are still inflicting a huge amount of damage on their child through their so-called love. And the proof of this can be seen in all of us needing to heal our childhood repression. We’ve all got problems, we’re all denying many bad feelings. And whilst those people who are good keep accusing those who are bad of being evil, smugly saying they are better than the bad ones, nothing will be done so far as embracing our overall problem of our ongoing negative state. Just as nothing has as yet been done about it for thousands of years. And to believe you come from the better side of the fence, that you wouldn’t dream of hurting your child or anyone else, then to have to consider that you are evil right along with those who are obviously cruel, unfeeling and uncaring, will take some doing. But that’s what you will have to do if you choose to embrace the full healing of your childhood repression. It’s all within us - how to naturally express ourselves. Our soul drives it all. And if we could only allow children to be true and free, they would grow up naturally expressing themselves. They don’t have to be told how to be, they don’t have to be controlled in any way. Nothing is ‘for their own good’, all that unloving parenting is for their own bad. |
It’s even easier living out your fantasises when you’re the grandparent - when the pressure is off, your grandchildren no longer being your own children.
The little girl wanted to get in the trolley at the supermarket, her mother said no. She kept on, mama, I want to get in, mama, I want to get in... No! And on she went again trying to climb in, her mother only half paying attention to her now that she saw someone she knew. Oh yes this is her, she turned three on the weekend. Mama, mama, mama, on and on the little girl went to her mother who was no longer paying any attention to her, she no longer important, she had been instantly forgotten as the mother talked to her friend, something much more fun to do. Mama, mama, the little girl was saying having discovered she couldn’t climb in the trolly, her attention turning to the apples. It’s such a power trip being a parent. I would advise all parents to relish it, make the most of it while you can.
It’s your illness - your evil state, all your compulsions - that makes you have children and pets. It’s all trying to get love and power, all that you’re lacking, all why you need to have such control.
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The child trusts its parent, it doesn’t know.
It doesn’t know what’s right or wrong.
It has to do as its parents say, so it has to change itself.
But it does so at great cost to itself - greatly damaging itself.
It doesn’t know what’s right or wrong.
It has to do as its parents say, so it has to change itself.
But it does so at great cost to itself - greatly damaging itself.