why do we have children?
Why your relationships keep failing,
is because your parents failed in their relationship with you.
Relationship success or failure can’t be judged on time spent together.
is because your parents failed in their relationship with you.
Relationship success or failure can’t be judged on time spent together.
Why do we have children?
Simply: to fill in the love deficit we feel. To fill in that desperate feeling of not feeling completely loved. To fill in our cold dark hole of hurt, pain, misery and all we suffer. And to fulfil our fantasies. We have children for ourselves: to gain love from them, for them to love us - to give us all their love, all because we feel so unloved. We don’t have children for themselves, because we don’t feel full of love ourselves. We can only love our children conditionally, and is that true love? We have children for the same reasons we have pets, and many parents treat their children no better than if they were a pet. We need them as a possession, something we can say is ours. We need to feel we own them, so we can do as we please with them. So we feel all-powerful. So we feel we have a purpose in life. So we feel we’re important. So we feel a someone. Nature, as in our pets shower us unconditionally with love, as do babies and young children until we beat it out of them. And it doesn’t matter what reason you might have in regards to why you want or had children, as that is only covering up and avoiding the truth. And the truth is what no one wants to face. Because what you would see about yourself, is that you are completely selfish, having children only to use them for your own self gain. It’s a sad fact, but when you do your childhood repression healing you will come to this truth, and it will make you feel very bad indeed. And so it should. However, you were not to know, and that is the tragedy of our life. We don’t know the truth - we don’t want to know it. We are scared of it, of how bad it will make us feel. That being, as bad as we already feel - as bad as our parents made us feel when they had us and used us for their own self-gain. When they didn’t love us as we needed to be loved. And the truth behind it all is our childhood repression. For if we were truly and fully unconditionally loved by our parents, we wouldn’t have had to suppress and keep repressed any bad feelings from our early life. But because we all did, then we’re all in the same boat. And you can go on saying you love your children, deluding yourself into believing you are a loving parent, forever. Forever that is, until your soul says, times up, now it’s time for you to see the truth. And when that happens, things won’t work as well for you in life as they did. Inner and outer pressure will build causing you to look in. And ‘looking in’ means, to finally start to accept your bad feelings. And to move with this inner pressure, rather than allowing it to build and crush you, means you have to start doing your soul- or feeling-healing. |
We don’t fit in with the baby, we make it fit in with us.
Whether said angrily: ‘PUT IT DOWN! DON’T TOUCH IT!’; or said nicely: ‘Put it down hon, that’s not nice to touch.’, it’s still the same: telling someone else what to do and making them be how you think they should be. It’s not allowing them to be true to themselves. So it’s will-destroying, damaging to the emerging personality, killing natural self-expression. And it ruins any loving relationship between you, making your child feel bad and hating you for treating it that way.
The child does all it can to please its parents. To feel the rejection of their displeasure is too crushing, making it feel all those dreadful feelings as its threatened with ceasing to be - annihilation of self. Not feeling loved.
We act out hate and call it love. We’re an insult to love.
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Do you think your parents are loving you for being the real person you are;
or are they loving the you they have created?
Do they love you as being God’s creation,
or do they see themselves as being gods, admiring and loving their own greatness?
or are they loving the you they have created?
Do they love you as being God’s creation,
or do they see themselves as being gods, admiring and loving their own greatness?
What happens when a child isn’t loved?
It feels very bad. You know yourself when you don’t feel loved just how bad you feel. And the child feels all such terrible feelings. And from my feeling-healing experiences we feel such bad feelings: unwanted, uncared about, rejected; hurt, angry, sad, miserable, scared, right from our first moment in the womb. Imagine you’re a little baby coming into being. You need to feel always loved so you feel good about yourself, life and the world you live in. You want your parents to want you, all the people in your life to want you, and to want you just as you are, welcoming you into their open arms and hearts of love. But if you don’t feel like this, even for one tiny moment, then you feel the very opposite of such good feelings. And when you feel them, suddenly you feel your whole existence is threatened. You fear for your life, you don’t know what to do, the very people you depend on for love don’t love you making you feel rejected, and it’s terrifying, you have nowhere to go, no one to turn to. You feel very alone, abandoned, not wanted in the world. And to feel not wanted in the world fucks you up for the rest of your life. And feeling unloved kills your self-expression. You are a little person with your life-force striving to express every aspect of your personality in Creation. Your will is surging, willing you into existence. And so long as the door remains open and inviting, so long as you feel accepted, wanted and loved, you are free to come forth and be your true self. However if that door is closed - even a small amount; if it’s slammed in your face, if it’s locked and no matter how hard you bang on it still you get the message no one wants you and go away, you feel very bad - traumatised. And to feel rejected is the same as getting smashed in the face. Every time your parents deny you your true self-expression, taking you over, making you behave how they want you to be, stopping you from being your true natural self, you’re getting hit and hit hard. And it’s the emotional, spiritual and psychic hits that hurt more the physical ones. So every time you are rejected, your coming into being is thwarted, but still your will is relentlessly pushing on. So you have to change yourself, you have to distort your self-expression, subtract some parts here, add other false parts there, all to conform with those who have power over you. So you take the hits, you try and express the pain and hurt you feel from such rejection, but they don’t want to hear those noises either, and you are forced to bury such bad feelings, suppress them, keep them out of sight, all leading to a massive amount of hidden bad feelings - the hidden you that is not allowed to have its say, your childhood repression. We are parented to deny many aspects of ourselves. We all grow up full of repressed childhood feelings. We are forced to develop self-rejecting beliefs and patterns of behaviour, we are forced to accept that we don’t feel as loved as we want to feel. And then we’re made to pretend that we do feel loved, that we feel great, that everything is okay, and it’s not all that bad. And yet it is all that bad, for nothing is worse that feeling unloved. And we grow up becoming a messed-up adult, who at best can play the power games and compete relatively successfully in the world; at worst is a failure doomed to feel at the mercy of authority, unable to assert themselves, just waiting for that fateful day when the axe finally falls bringing your useless existence to an end. And we go on desperately looking for love. We still want to be loved. But our patterns are set so that we can’t have it. It’s all too late. Our parents denied us the love we needed, so we live denying it in our adult lives. Some of us, those who did feel loved, those who believed they felt love, will still be able to find and feel love as adults, however as to whether or not this love will be everlasting will depend on how true and real ones loving relationship with ones parents was. It’s all too easy to be seduced by love, only to find out that it’s not actually as real, true and pure as you wanted it to be. Then one day it all comes to a head. One day the deep inner pain, the anger, frustration, the anguish and despair, starts to overcome you. All you’ve previously done to keep such repressed feelings away starts to fail. You can no longer keep going as you have done rejecting all your hurt and suffering - the pressure becoming too intense. And then you’re faced with: what do I do, where do I go for help? For when you are being broken down it is help you have to want, to admit that you can’t cope, that you can’t do it any longer by yourself. And the help I am offering is that what I call doing your feeling-healing. Which involves completely ending your self and so feeling denial. To go the other way, to try and allow all your bad feelings to be, to let them finally have their say. To speak about them, and to want to know why you are feeling them - to uncover the truth of yourself they are helping you to see. And that truth will lead you back into your early life. To see the truth of your relationship with your parents and carers. To see how your whole negative self-denying, self-rejecting state came about. To re-feel all your horrible feelings caused by feeling so unloved, to bring them all up, to allow and accept yourself as your parents should have done. You can’t get love from our parents, it’s all too late. Your parents didn’t love you as you needed to be loved. Sure, they might have loved you a little or even a lot, but still, it just wasn’t enough. For if it were then you wouldn’t be feeling so unloved now. So we have to look to ourselves. And by doing our feeling-healing can be become in a way the loving ‘parent’ for ourselves that we still need. And as you heal your childhood repression, in time you will change your self-denying beliefs and behaviour, coming around to allow the real and true you to finally accept and love itself - for all of you to fully and freely express itself in life. |
Why is the baby supposed to sleep alone? Image yourself being a baby. Would you like to be alone so much, kept away from your parents at such a crucial stage in your development? Are we supposed to come into the world to be alone - is that what it's all about? Would you like to be alone for one instant as a baby, let alone for hours at a time? What do we think - where are our feelings!
The mother got pregnant again very soon after giving birth. She blamed the new baby in her womb for causing all her problems. As if it were the baby's fault that she got pregnant so quickly again. How is that little person going to feel coming into the world?
They made me go their way - against my way. And they wouldn’t go my way, which is what I resent and feel so pissed off about, it all being so unfair. And so I have to stop going everyone else’s way and concentrate on going my own way, and without expecting or even demanding everyone else goes my way.
Parents believe they’ve done such a good job raising their child as if the child didn’t do anything itself. And yet all they’ve done is constantly interfere with the child stopping it growing up itself as it would naturally have done, growing into becoming its true self and not a false clone of them. The child has done a remarkable job by still remaining in one piece, although becoming a well and truly fucked person, having resisted all the negative unloving influences from its parents as much as it could.
We parent like it’s a job and the child is an employee. And there are different sorts of employers... and also employees, however the employees are only different and fucked up because of the employers, there’s no chicken or the egg in this case.
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Are you loving the real child, or what you’ve made it become.
‘I love you my child, because you are just as I want you to be. You do everything I ask, you behave exactly how I expect you to, you are most perfect child anyone could ever ask for’.
‘Oh he’s such a good boy, he never cries... he always does what he’s asked... he never answers back... he’s always so polite and considerate... he’s never a nuisance.’
‘I love you my child, because you are just as I want you to be. You do everything I ask, you behave exactly how I expect you to, you are most perfect child anyone could ever ask for’.
‘Oh he’s such a good boy, he never cries... he always does what he’s asked... he never answers back... he’s always so polite and considerate... he’s never a nuisance.’
Everything we do is by default, it can’t be any other way in the negative.
Nothing you do is truly what you want to, or would do, were you living true to your feelings.
Nothing you do is truly what you want to, or would do, were you living true to your feelings.